Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.
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How far would you travel to help… would you go against every feeling in your body that
says “no, stay spend time with your friends and family.” Would you do it anyway?
As long as I can remember I have always had a large fear of heights – something about it just never felt safe and freaked me out. Yet on the other hand I have also been super stubborn. I hated watching my brothers climb things with no fear while I sat on the ground feeling like I was missing out on so much.
The summer right before my freshman year of high school I started going to Tall Timber Ranch. It was the first night of the 7-day camp and I didn’t know a single person, to say I was nervous would be an understatement. That night we played a night game which entailed running away from the counselors in the pitch dark. Of course, I proceed to run right into a massive boulder and wrecked my knee. It wasn’t broken but it was swollen and hurt. I wanted so bad to use it as an excuse to not have to go on the hike or try climbing or do the high ropes course. I did exactly what I didn’t want to do, I didn’t want my fears of what could happen take away from the memories and growth I knew would happen. There is a difference between being afraid of something and not being able to do something. Despite my fear of heights and the slight pain I still did a short hike, I still did some rock climb, and most importantly I climbed my way to the top of that high ropes course and I completed it. I went on to work at camp every summer until I graduated college, and every summer I made sure to do the ropes course – I even would work up there. I also went on to fall in love with Rock Climbing as a whole, and teaching it to others. It’s so important for others, and for children specially, to know that they can do it. It’s okay to be afraid, but you can do it – which is still something I say to myself to this day.
At times I find myself thinking that the hard times are just that – hard times- and that nothing good will come from them -which isn’t true. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it, or it isn’t good. There have been so many challenges in my life, and ones that I am currently going through that I know for a fact will only make me a better person and teach me to be patient and willing to go with the flow with a positive attitude. Some of those challenges I give myself, like riding on top of a moving vehicle, holding that scorpion, or just simple climbing to the top of a structure that seems so unstable. Within the last two weeks I have gotten to play with children, teaching them games and songs, along with manual labor of simply digging holes for a new fence & cutting down tree branches in order to bring more light to a soccer field so kids can play on it. Our schedule is pretty consistent which is really helpful since the culture seems to be a go with the flow, and plans do change at the drop of a hat. All in all I really am learning a lot about being positive given the circumstances and being able to mold and bend to what is needed not necessarily what I want.
I made this decision knowing that I might not have a warm shower, or internet, or just basic everyday American living. Within 2 weeks of being in Costa Rica I can tell you right now I don’t regret this decision one bit. It’s gonna be the longest 11 months of my life no doubt, but it is also going to be the shortest. Within no time I will be back at home getting back into my routine in some manner or another. I’m content in that, knowing that the future has so much to offer.
