We arrived at the house where we were going to be leading a bible study, which was not out of the normal because we had been going to various houses and praying for different people for the past 3 days. When we got there a gentleman asked us to pray for his wife who was suffering from high blood pressure, we laid hands on her and called out to God to heal her. Everything was the same right….well wrong. He then asked us to pray over his daughter,Erica, who is suffering from a goiter in her throat, it was causing her severe pain and they can not find a way to make the pain stop. We were about to pray for her when Erin on our team asked to share a verse before we prayed over her it went like this……..
“You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name,and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.” John 16:24
She proceeded to say if we don’t have real faith that God will heal Erica and she doesn’t have faith it will not happen. God says to ask in his name and we will receive, but in order for that to happen we have to have real faith. The instant she was done speaking, I was overwhelmed tears started flowing down my cheeks, I don’t even know where they came from, chill bumps overwhelmed my entire body. I was short of breath. It hit me like a ton of bricks. CONVICTION! I have felt conviction before in my life, but never have I felt conviction like this,never have I felt conviction in a physical way. I was over taken… Now this is where this blog gets hard for me to write but I know God is telling me to share….
The past 3 days we have been going from house to house praying for women who have lost their husbands because their husbands no longer wanted to be real men in their lives. Or women who have lost their husbands due to HIV. We have prayed for a family whose daughters might have HIV that they received from their father. We prayed for a women to be able to get money in order for her to be able to have her child in a hospital. My prayers for these women should of been real and genuine, I should
of each time I prayed over these women had authentic love and faith that God would answer each one of our prayers,the truth though is I am not sure that I did, I was too worried about being hot and uncomfortable, I was too concerned with the language and culture barrier. I was selfish! The reason I was not having faith that these women’s prayers would be answered by God was because I was not having authentic agape love for each of them, a love that cares for others because God does, a love that goes beyond sentiment and good wishes, a love that responds. I was not having a love for them that believes all things…
“Love believes all things…” 1 Cor. 13:7
If I was having real love for these women and not just “caring” for them I would truly believe and have faith each time I prayed for these women that God would heal them and answer their prayers. I didn’t though- I was just going through the actions- because I am on a mission trip and that is “what I am suppose to do”. I should be covering these women with a cloak of love, a love that protects these women and leads me to pray with real faith, a love that presses upon my heart to cry out to God; calling him by name to heal theses women’s physical and emotional pain. I was ignoring the fact that God chose me to come to Cambodia, he 
chose me to be in this specific city, he chose me to be in these women’s houses, he chose me to be praying over each and every one of these women. I was CHOSEN and yet I was not crying out in true genuine faith that God was going to answer my prayers for these women. He called me and my team mates to stir healing in the bodies and souls of these women, he called us to be his physicians. How selfish of me to not love them like they should be loved and to not believe that He was going to heal these women. I was calling out his name but not having complete faith. I was not confident in my prayers…
“The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example we don’t know God wants us to pray for. but the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning., the can’t be expressed in words..and the Father who knows all hearts knows what the spirit is saying for the spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with Gods own will.” Romans 8:26
I will never be able to fully explain the physical conviction that I experienced that day, but it was a feeling that can only be explained as the Holy spirit boiling from with in. I left that day not seeing Erica’s throat healed right in front of me, but I did leave that day knowing God was present, I left that day knowing that God will heal her and I have no doubt that Erica will be pain free and the goiter in her throat healed. I believe this because we called out in harmony, we called out to our father by name, we called out with genuine and complete faith to the ultimate healer and great physician. I left that day broken and in love with the people of Cambodia.
