Jeffrey’s Bay, South Africa
Be Still.
Such a simple concept in theory, but so hard to practice. A concept that, quite frankly, I have discounted more often than not.
The past couple of years, I have desired to exhibit some of the qualities of a wildfire. However, as I picture a wildfire, it is never still.The characteristics I associate with wildfires are ones I have greatly admired and valued, and what I would imagine someone who could be used to change the world would encompass. I imagine passion, boldness, courage, enthusiasm, a beautiful fierceness, power to impact others, quick to take action, dancing light, warmth, a captivating draw towards it, something that has the ability to alter the environment it crosses, new beginnings, and the capacity to bring souls to a place of deep contemplation.
All of that may or may not be true, but the unfortunate part about fire is that sooner or later, it will burn out. If it does not have the oxygen that it needs or it is smothered, it will be nothing more than a pile of ashes and forgotten memories of the beauty and power and strength that used to be.
As I type this, I can hear the dull roar of the ocean in the background, the waves lapping up against the shore. Funny how God brought me to water this month, undoubtedly to bring my soul back to its place of rest, which is usually managed by sitting with him in nature, seeing the artistry of His creation, the closest I can get to how things are supposed to be. How overcomplicated we make life. Most of the time, I feel as though there is a certain frantic pace that I feel internally, with my mind racing and my heart not always at a place of rest. Frantic like a wildfire racing through the fields. There are reasons we are made to rest in His presence. He made us and designed us. When He says something is good for us, it would make too much sense to simply take His word for it and fall into those open arms of His.
Part of me foolishly thought that this year, I would walk away with more answers to the questions about life that have haunted me. Instead, the realization has started to set in that I will never have all the answers. Curiosity is something that has been a theme to my life, that always been both a blessing and a curse. The desire to continue to learn about life and the world around me has never subsided; it continues to grow stronger as years pass by.
My mind, particularly this year on the race, has seemed to be running on hyper speed often times. There have been so many changes and experiences, challenges to thought processes, lenses, and perceptions, challenges to my world view and my faith and what I believe at my core, realizations or breakthroughs. If you were to ask me what I have learned this year, I am not convinced that I would be able to answer accurately and concisely. What I am sure of however, is that God is continuing to use this year to refine me.
I have been trying to sort out the questions my soul is longing to have answered on my own. Not trusting that God will reveal things as they are needed in due time. Not trusting that He has, not only everyone’s best interest at heart and is a good God, but He truly knows and cares about me. If there is something that has not been revealed to me, it is not because He is a dictator and gets enjoyment out of holding things over my head, but because He truly knows what is best. Trying to figure out all of the answers of how to best live this crazy life and chasing after them is not only exhausting and pointless, it distracts me away from being fully engaged with the people around me and loving them well. More than that though, it is a reflection of my lack of trust in God, his timing, and his goodness. It has been a distraction away from Him instead of just taking it to Him and trusting.
The phrase “It is well (with my soul)” is the phrase that I keep going back to. Those moments when I stop running, stop seeking, stop striving and can feel my soul breathe again are the moments that an internal sigh of relief sings those simple words.
Here’s to saying yes to trusting and resting with him by the water, one day at a time.
“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For theLord gives wisdom, and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair- every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.” Proverbs 2:1-11
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
