For lack of more descriptive words, it was awesome,
but after reading a squad mate’s blog about TC I, like her, discovered I don’t know that I actually liked it.
There were so many incredible things that God did in my squad mates lives and in my life.
But it was a HARD week.
We were pushed to our limits (in a good way) emotionally, physically, spiritually, pretty much in any way possible.
So before Training Camp I kept God in a little box,
I didn’t realize it but I had a limited view of what God could, and couldn’t do;
all of that started to come crumbling down this week.
During the session on healing, we had time to pray healing over our squad mates;
I thought a lot about asking for prayer about fear that I wasn’t doing the Race for the right reasons,
but in the end I decided not to.
However, God, of course, had a different plan.
That evening we had a session on The Holy Spirit and His presence in and around us;
the speaker invited all of us to allow the Holy Spirit in.
And using my box version of God I tried, and tried, and tried; nothing was happening.
I was seeing all these people having awesome moments with God and I was getting nothing!
So I started questioning myself,
“what is wrong with me?”
“why can’t I feel anything?”
“what is going on? I’m so confused!”
And I broke down crying and started questioning myself to God, asking Him to
fix me.
At one point I was so confused and distressed
about the whole thing I asked Him to send someone to pray over me; and
He did! 
One of my squad leaders came over and started praying for me and said
she felt like God was telling her to ask me if I was afraid of something.
(WOAH! What!?)
I explained to her that I was scared I wasn’t going on the trip because
God wanted me to, but because
Iwanted to,
and I was afraid that I was confusing Satan telling me not to do this
for God saying this isn’t what I should do.
She began talking to me about it, and the guy leading worship said something to the effect of
“all of you are supposed to be here, God wants you here and His going to use you here!”
Wait what!
My squad leader looks at me and said, “I think that was for you.”
And I started crying even more than I already was and said, “yeah, I think so.”
She prayed for me again and this amazing peace about everything came over me.
I no longer have the fear that this isn’t what I am supposed to do.
