It was Christmas, the first Christmas I have ever spent away from home and my team and I were in Shell, Ecuador. I walked into the orphanage as children ran to me, arms wide open, just looking for an ounce of love. My knees buckled as I cascaded to the floor below embracing every little nino that came my way. Or if it was Carmen, she pretty much body slammed you to the floor in order for you to sit as close to her as possible while you watched her favorite movie. That is a little glimpse into my first time serving on Christmas and it will not be my last.
Casa De Fe is home to 50 orphans from the surrounding areas of Shell and for some children, this is the last hope of survival. At Casa De Fe, they believe that “special needs, abused, and abandoned children are special children of our God, who makes no mistakes in His creation and who commands each of us to care for and love, even the most humble amongst us.” Many of the children have Down’s Syndrome, malnutrition, cancer, failure to thrive, cerebral palsy, psychomotor delay, microcephaly, and other congenital anomalies which require extensive medical treatment. Why so many special needs children you ask? Well, I was wondering the same thing.
One day, I was sitting down with Mandy, our host mama, and I asked her, “why do so many of the children have special needs?” She said that other orphanages in the area do not have the proper resources to take care of children who require special attention. My next question was, “what happens to the children in the jungle who have special needs?” It took her a second to answer me, and when she hesitated, I soon understood why.
In remote places like the jungle, there are no medical options and if there are, families cannot afford treatment. In the jungle, special needs children are either tossed into the river, neglected, or left outside for the animals. In rare cases, families will bring them to places like Casa De Fe, but as I said, that is rare.
Upon hearing this I was speechless. How could a person abandon a child or just toss life into the river? Or what about even being in a position to contemplate something like that? Why isn’t there better medical treatment down here? What can I do about this? And perhaps most profoundly; God why are you allowing such a thing?
I could not wrap my brain around what I was told and it struck a cord deep inside my bones. A cord so deep that I was questioning it at first because I thought God had closed that door. It was a desire to be a voice for those who don’t have one but specifically through my love for medicine.
Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of helping others through working in the medical field. My Aunt Suzy who is a nurse would come over after work and tell me story after story about the patients she had that day. I was entranced by the stories and knew that I had a heart and passion to be around those who are medically fragile. On top of that, growing up with a brother who was deemed what is referred to medically as “failure to thrive” and ended up outliving his life expectancy, was another pathway in my life that engrained in me the desire to fight for others and give them an opportunity in life to chase after their dreams as well.
My dream was to become a Physician Assistant and I was bound and determined to do whatever it took. 2000 patient care hours, numerous observations in surgeries, 2 years of working in a hospital, a Master’s under my belt, countless study hours, application after application, meeting after meeting, extracurricular activities galor, and any extra credential I could add to my resume- I did. 5 years in a row, after pouring my heart and soul into everything, I ended up not getting in. Every single time I got the letter of “Thank you for your interest but we regret to inform you…” I saw my dreams crumbling right before me.
I was confused for the longest time because I knew that God gave me the passion to help others through medicine and to be a voice for the voiceless but I had not gotten the opportunity yet.
At the beginning of this year, I sat down and wrote out my top 5 Life goals.
- Activiely pursuing my relationship with the Lord and what He calls of me as well as leading a life that exemplifies Christ
- Cultivate a lifestyle of JOY
- Marry my best friend
- Family centered on Christ
- Be a voice for those who do not have one, specifically for special needs children
For the last one, I had been tossing around ideas of how to accomplish that. That’s when God said He hadn’t closed the door on the medical field for me.
One thing I do know, rejection and discouragement don’t qualify as good reasons to quit. God just wanted me to be pursuing a dream He instilled in me for the right reasons. And I’m thinking that I’ve found what those right reasons are. I fully believe that the risk of rejection is worth following a dream and hopefully by following mine, I can not only be a voice for those who don’t have one but also encourage those who are “tossed in the river” to chase after their dreams too.
With that being said, I am applying to Physician Assistant school again and I’m looking forward to the path that God is laying out before me.
Cheers,
Kels
“Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.” -Langston Hughes
