The idea of nothing is a strange concept to me because I don’t think it’s possible. To do nothing makes it feel like I’m becoming apathetic and I’m not getting anywhere. I know it stems from being an athlete most of my life. I love being challenged because it creates opportunity for measured growth. Otherwise I just get bored.
I was challenged month 5 in Malawi to spend an hour each day doing nothing but sit without distraction. No music. No journal. No reading. Just sit. That sounded horrible because it meant being left alone with my thoughts which were overwhelming enough. Reluctantly, I would make my way down to the pond and sit on one of the concrete slabs by the water and stare at the landscape. My only distraction watching a kingfisher dive for minnows and picking at the callouses on my feet. I didn’t inquire God of anything or pray. I hated it. The whole first week I felt like a fidgety kid in the waiting room at the dentist. All I could do was expect I was changing somehow; or hope I was at least. I asked my teammates to point out if they began to see any changes because when you’re the one doing the growing you don’t really see or feel it. Every now and then during feedback they’d tell me I seemed more at peace, and I was sleeping better, but other than that nothing seemed too different. I decided going into Zambia I’d keep doing it and see if anything still happened. Plus I saw it as a great excuse for people to leave me alone.
We had our Exposure girls for the month and toward the end of our stay one of them said something that surprised me during super feedback. She said I was her comfort person. She could sit next to me when she felt homesick or sad and just feel at peace. The other said not once did she hear me complain or act frazzled when plans got changed (like they always do on the race) and that helped her keep grounded. Hannah, who has been with me most of the race laughed, “if you only knew her in the beginning you would not have ever expected it.” She was right. I thought I was a pretty steady person, but thinking back on it I had a rocky start and had to fight for those things which at one point I remember feeling drained.
When they told me those words I tried thinking back on what all I had done differently that caused me to reach this newfound place of contentment, peace, and steadfastness that others tangibly felt and saw. Then I knew. I knew it was the time I just sat and did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and God poured into me, and I could take no credit for myself other than I was consistent. Even then at times it was a selfish excuse as I said earlier to be left alone! Still he chose to do something with me in that. What we see as nothing by the world’s standards and at times our own is the perfect catalyst for God to move because we’re not stepping in trying to manipulate. God doesn’t complicate things, we do.
I had practiced solidarity before in college when God ignited something in me and I can remember walking around campus alone like he was right there with me. There was a joy then that I felt and longed to feel since. Our last month in Africa I asked God if he gave me a place where I could still sit and pull away I would. I needed it and I wanted to see what else he would do. Sure enough the ministry we stayed was perfect even though we shared it with 2 other teams. That month some big things were going on at home and for the first time all race I truly wished I could’ve been there, and I cried in our tent. Despite this painful longing I still felt at peace and content. Those that knew what was going on spoke how they saw my resolve and in that they fed off my peace and joy despite the hurt in my heart. Jesus had taught me something I never expected. You know the passage where Paul talks about being content in all things? I finally realized what that felt like, and more importantly learned that even in a place of hurt people can still feed off that peace and joy that Christ pours into the person. It sounds totally backwards, but Jesus typically seems to work that way doesn’t he?
I see this as a beautiful gift that goes further than what I got out of it. When God blesses us with something it reaches beyond just blessing us. When I learned it was affecting others as well it compelled me all the more to keep doing it out of Christ’s love for them. All of this, just from “nothing.” You can’t tell me that doesn’t blow your mind even a little bit.
When I shared this with our squad coach, Ruth, she looked at me with this expression of awe which I couldn’t quite understand why. She explained how during their one on ones they try to glean from us as much as we do them, and what I said struck a chord. We discussed how the culture today is very much do, do, do, and to see the fruit of essentially “doing nothing” was encouraging and a good reminder. I also began to understand the verse “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” The Lord’s joy. Not mine because we cannot create joy. Happiness yes, but joy itself is a fruit of the spirit and thus Holy unto God. We can’t fake or force having it no matter what we do. I found this funny because in Zambia someone came up and spoke it over me as they themselves were uncontrollably laughing in the spirit. Africa is a strangely wonderful place lol.
I have essentially become notorious for giving challenges, to which anyone who has been on a team with me can attest. It only seems fit I extend one to you reader. Don’t think because you’re not in the mission field a similar lesson cannot be learned. Quite the contrary. I find it all the more crucial for home because of the plethora of distractions we have at our fingertips. Even on the race we have our fair share; they just look different. I wrote a blog near when we launched about being still, and this is very similar in that regard. However, God is great at teaching us the same answer to a lesson in different ways like finding a new path up a mountain. Each time it strengthens us in that. Learning something from the Lord is not a one and done thing, and even if you choose not to do it he will pull something else out we thought we were accomplished at.
I want you to be encouraged and to some degree humbled that even in doing “nothing” God will cause a shift to happen. Just be expectant.
