So blogging still isn’t really my thing. I always get ideas for blogs but never take the time to type them up. I get so frustrated that I can’t make my blogs beautifully written like some of my squad mates can but I guess I will have to get over that. I have so much to update you all on but for now I just need to get out what I am feeling as I have 2 and a half months left.
VULNERABILITY TIME…
Letting out all my feelings for everyone to see. It’s a big thing on the race and something I am getting better at. So here it goes…
I feel exhausted. I feel burnt out. I feel alone. I feel sadness. I feel fear. I feel excitement. I feel joy. I feel ready.
So Many FEELINGS….
So many feelings, that I am driving myself crazy. I can’t believe I have made it this far and that the end is coming. I didn’t know how much I would actually love my squad and all their quirks. I didn’t know how much I could love people. I didn’t know I had this much to learn about the Lord.
I also didn’t know how much at home that I took for granted. How much I miss being fed by my church. How I actually somehow miss putting gas in my tank. How much I miss the smell of fresh cut grass. How much I miss my family and friends. So much that it is beginning to hurt.
I found myself throwing a small child like tantrum with Meghan yesterday (In a joking way). I was throwing around my blankets and throwing myself around on this stupid sleeping pad speaking out all my frustrations and everything I miss. It was quite hilarious to witness but the words were real.
I’ve noticed lately in my quiet time that I tell God I’m too tired and that I want to quit. It’s only 1,038 dollars for a plane ticket home. God let me go back home and be with everyone. I know that going home isn’t an option. God fully funded me to be here and even though I am tired HE HAS MORE!
I am CHOSEN…
God chose me for this and even if I have to limp across that finish line, He will be there to cross it with me!
I have STRENGTH…
The Lord tells me in His word that He is my strength. And by his strength alone will I be able to finish this race I started for him nine months ago.
I have VICTORY..
God has given me everything I need to win. I can’t fail. I will be victorious.
It’s going to be hard but I know that each and every day there is a teachable moment. I know there is always someone to love. I know that God is preparing something greater!
This might just be the most random blog I have ever written and yes I do have others blogs to write about such as my time with the Lost Boys in the Philippines and what life in the red light district is like but for now this is it. I need prayer. My team needs prayer. My squad needs prayer.
Pray that God renews us each day and provides crazy amounts of strength and peace!
