Over the past week I have been reading the book Let Hope In by pastor Pete Wilson, and God has truly revealed some amazing things to me that I can’t help but share. Over the past few years I have suffered with not letting my past be my past. I have let it follow me everywhere I go and have let it creep in my thoughts when my mind starts to wander. This has not only caused much pain in my heart but also has kept me from fully living in the present.
Since I became a follower of Christ, I have strived to be perfect. I try so hard to keep it all together, stay ahead of the game, and try to please the Lord the way I thought He wanted me to. I lead in small groups, I volunteered for random organizations, I was nice to people, and took care of myself. Life just kept getting harder and harder. The more I tried to live my life this way, the more I could fill the life draining out of me.
Two days ago I was having my quiet time and after I get into the word I read a chapter or two in my book. Well on that day in particular God just completely turned my life around. Pete Wilson begins to talk about the saying “ God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” I had heard of this saying and had used this as encouragement to many people over the years. Well, he began saying that that was one of the most untrue statements ever made. I was like what is he talking about and then he began to explain. He said of course God gives you more than you can handle, if he didn’t do this then what role would he play in our lives. Why would we need to rely on Him if we can handle it all ourselves.
I couldn’t believe it, that’s what I needed to hear half my life. It’s amazing how my perspective changed so quickly. Of course every trial, hurt, and heartbreak is a way for us to fully rely on our Lord and the only way for us to fully be restored. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you won’t ever have hurts or be broken. These hurts shape who we are and show us how faithful God is when we fully rely on Him.
“ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”-2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
Through the hurts and brokenness I have tried to stay perfect, trying to not let people see how weak I am. I thought if they saw my weakness, then they wouldn’t think I really knew who God was or that I was a bad person. Well Pete Wilson’s friend Angie who has a book out called Mended. In this book she tells of an experience she had that about what it looks like when you surrender your past pain, hurt, and brokenness to God, she said:
As I was driving, God spoke to me clearly, and He asked me to do something odd. I started thinking about a certain pitcher I have in my house, and as soon as it come to mind, He told me to smash it… Thankfully, my neighbors know me well enough to not call the police when I throw a perfectly good pitcher onto my front porch at ten o’clock at night. I watched it shatter… What next? I asked. Again, He was very clear. Put it back together again. What I wanted to do was go to bed, but I felt like He was meaning now, so I gathered all the pieces together and brought them in the house. I told Todd what was going on, and he took a look at the tiny shards of porcelain, knowing it was going to be a long night. I went and got the hot glue gun and sat down in the kitchen. It was hard to know where to start, but I found the lip and the handle relatively intact, and just kind of made it up as I went. I talked to the Lord while my fingers worked, and He stayed near to me. I would love to tell you that it was like a movie where everything about the moment was all sweet and perfect, but the truth is that I glued my finger to it at one point and cut myself several times. I thought about swear words that I wanted to say. Gut, still I kept at it. And as I worked, He let me think about my past. Mistakes I have longed regretted. I began to realize that this pitcher was my life, and every piece was part of a story that He had chosen to put together. I started crying, and remembering things I thought I had forgotten. It took a long time to finish, but it was time well spent. Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all its imperfection. Here you are, Angie. You are mended. You are filled with My Spirit, and I am asking youto pour yourself out. The image of my life as a broken pitcher was beautiful to me, but at the same time, it was hard to look at all of the cracks. I ran my fingers along them and told Him I wished it had been different. I wished I had always loved Him, always obeyed Him, always sought Him the way I should. I was mad at the inperfections, years wasted, gaping holes where it should be smooth. But God, my ever gracious God, was gentle and yet convicting as He explained. My dearest Angie. How do you think the world has seen Me? If it wasn’t for the cracks, I couldn’t seep out the way I do. I chose the pitcher. I chose you, just as you are.
That story left me quiet and still for a long time. Still enough to feel God nudging on my heart saying, “ Kelsey, I know you aren’t perfect but I will mend you. I will be your restoration. I will take you for your cracks and imperfections and turn it into something beautiful.” It made me realize that the scars of my heart allow people to see the work at Jesus in me. They see that even though I struggle and make mistakes that with God I can be restored, I can keep going. My scars have also been a way for me to help other people who might be making the same decisions I made. God isn’t done with me yet, and if He can make something beautiful of me and my mess then I know that He can make the mess of your life beautiful too!! God takes you for your cracks, don’t be ashamed or filled with guilt at your past anymore. They help you shine the light of Christ and no matter what happens in your life, God can restore you. Not only can He restore you, but He wants and desires to restore and mend your heart!!!
“Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” –Matthew 5:16
