So a couple of us are walking up the
street to the corner minimart (basically a 7/11), we linger past all
the fresh-homegrown veggies, the fried everything, the butchers with
mysterious meat hanging from massive captain hooks… all of the
venders hollering “hello!” or just staring in wonder at our white
foreign faces. We get the mart and I go to the back row and test
smell all 3 varieties of womens deodorant, I picked the $4.00 Dove’s
Original Powder, then walk to the cold drinks and pick up a box of
soymilk- chocolate. It’s neat in some of the minimarts they have like
a bar with some stools just to sit in the air conditioner and watch
moto’s and buses stream by. So we sit and begin talkin life, how
thankful we are, what we want out of this adventure called life, we
dream a little with silence between conversation topics… and then
it happens. We see the scroungy, dirt stained cloth and flesh
standing on the other side of the clearly windexed window, begging
hands out infront… black as night eyes, sores, rotting teeth,
drooping face like a pug. My thoughts suck. Sitting there in my
moment talking about what I can do to be a better person for this
world and the generations to come and I just sit and stare into the
eyes of the needy while I soak up air conditioner cause I haven’t had
it in like a week. With my conscience screaming and my inner man
whispering I just sit there. With options of what I might do coming
out of my mouth… but actions remain motionless. But I love
them right? I love those pleading faces they make at me on every
street corner. I love them… dont I? 
sometimes it
takes a moment to bite us in the rear real hard to get us to WAKE
frikkin up! It’s everyday decisions that define who I am. It’s
absolutely not my “intentions” or my “good heart” or even my
“quiet times”. Thats a hard thing to say… there is always the
choice. The day to day choices. The little moments where we see who
we truly are… by the actions, not by the convincing words we speak
or thoughts we have or even the dreams we see.
These moments make me want to change. I
want to be better, I have to be better… for my generation… for my
children and their children… I want to be a better person… a
better woman.
Thank you Father for making me see the
depths of me that you can take and make beautiful and pure.
I am willing to change. No matter the
risk…. right?
