Word: iden·ti·ty
Pronunciation: i-‘den-t?-te, ?-, -‘de-n?-
Function: noun
Definition: The distinguishing character or personality of an individual
Oldest child. Introvert. Extrovert. Leader. Follower. Dreadhead. Country. Hipster. Thinker. Feeler. Calm. Gentle. Wild. Missionary. 4-Her. Iowan. Friend. Girlfriend. Sister. Christian. Daughter. Student. Granola. Roommate. Partier. Musician. Athlete. Hippie. Artistic. Employee. Unpredictable. Predictable.
These labels and identities have defined me and been put on me by myself or others my whole life. Some true, while others are a huge contradictions to each other. It’s a natural thing. It’s normal and natural to have labels. It’s almost impossible not to have them! But i’m tired of having to live up to expectations of others and even myself. I’m not okay with having to act like something that I’m not. I’m sick of having to fit into these labels, because that’s not me.
For so much of my life I have been trying to form this perfect identity. This identity that I think I am or at least want to be. Throughout the last 10 months though I have been able to see the lies and fears that have encompassed this identity problem. I have been able to remove layers that I’ve been hiding behind. And now writing this blog, with only one month left on the field I have been reflecting on the past 10 months and the growth that I’ve seen in myself but also looking forward to the future once I’m back stateside and how The Lord is going to use me.
I’ve learned a lot this year. About the world and people and myself. But the one thing that I’ve learned and that could not be more clear, is who I am. And more importantly whose I am. Throughout the years I have lost who I truly am. My roots haven’t been deep enough in the truth. I know that when I go home I will still be put into these roles but these roles will not define me. These roles will not dictate my identity. I’m going home to no job, no apartment, no savings account, and no clear plans for the future and that’s a little intimidating but ultimately i’m okay with it. I have no fear because I know who I am. I don’t need to be something that I’m not because I love who I am. I have my identity. My identity that I am proud of and my identity that is now, without a doubt, rooted in the truth.
