I was a band dropout after the 8th grade, I sing only in the comfort of my car or a karaoke night with friends, and have no idea what harmony or 4/4 time means, and I know a total of five chords on the guitar that I have been playing for 6 months. But here I am, ready to help lead a few hundred people in worship during Sunday morning church in Zambia. Talk about being unqualified.
The guitar is something that I have struggled with off and on for years. I received my guitar as a Christmas present in high school from my parents and I was so determined to learn it and be the next John Mayer, but only a girl, and way cooler. I took a 6 week course on the basics of guitar and soon learned that I had a loooong way to go to becoming a professional. Out of frustration, because I didn’t master the guitar in 2 months, I quit all together. That seemed to be a logical thought at the time. My guitar went under my bed for years. Every once in awhile I would pull it out and try to strum it but it would always end up under my bed once again because I would get so upset with myself because I wasn’t a perfect guitar player.
So rewind to back in December, as I’m packing my one bag to bring with me for the next year, and God told me to bring my guitar on The Race. Which at the time I thought was ridiculous. I told God that it was silly for me to bring an instrument that I don’t know how to play and that’s really inconvenient to carry around. But in obedience to Him, I brought my guitar despite what I thought was best for myself.
So fast forward to last Sunday. Our ministry contact told us that we would be performing worship for the congregation the night before. So for a few hours myself, my wonderful teammates Deborah and Heather, and squad mate Jacob practiced several songs. None of us had ever lead worship before but we were ready for it. The next morning we set up and preformed just liked we practiced. I felt like I was going to throw up because of the nerves but we were all so confident in ourselves. I really wish I could tell you that it was a wonderful performance and the crowd gave us a standing ovation, but unfortunately that’s not the case. I played as well as I could but my fingers fumbled around the strings a few times, Deborah, with the voice of 100 angels sang her heart out, our Zambian friend Guston played keyboard, Heather kept a nice, steady beat on the drums, and Jacob sang so smoothly but honestly the performance was rough. The guitar, piano, and vocals were on 3 different keys, several different rhythms and tempos were happening, and at one point all I wanted to do was drop my guitar and microphone and run away from this train wreck. Run and never come back. But I stayed. We finished the set list, packed up, and just sat there. We all were thinking the same thing but said nothing to each other for a few minutes. Until someone said, “well it can only get better from here.”
In that moment I learned humility and to lay down my pride more than ever. I walked out of that five hour African church service knowing that I embarrassed myself quite a bit. And even though I wasn’t happy with myself and my performance, Jesus was. He was smiling and clapping along to our songs, even if no one else in the room was. He was overwhelmed with happiness in our obedience to Him. We knew that none of us were qualified to lead worship for hundreds of people but we did it anyway because The Lord gave us the opportunity to.
In my eyes I had failed. Yet again, another example of trying so hard and giving it all I had, just to fail in the end. But it’s okay to fail! It’s okay to not be perfect at everything. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to learn slowly. Because you’re not failing God. He is your number one fan and wants to see you succeed.
When we are obedient to God and live in the center of His will that’s enough. We don’t need to look to anything or anyone else. He gave me teammates that are not going to let me quit the guitar no matter how much I want to, and He’s going to keep giving me opportunities to play and worship in front of people for Him.
God doesn’t call people who are ready. He calls people who are willing to serve Him no matter what the circumstances.
I am by no means a guitar prodigy. I still only know 5 chords and maybe 2 strumming patterns if it’s a good day. But I’m learning and pressing on. I’m tired of giving up. Tired of quitting and being disappointed in myself. Because I know that my Father is so proud of me. Proud in us for leading worship when we had no idea what we were doing. Proud of us for not giving up and for volunteering to lead worship again next week. And that’s what we’re going to do. Continue to listen to God and
