Greetings friends!
To say the least this has been by far the craziest semester of my life. I don't know where else to begin other than sharing what exactly The Lord has been teaching me through all of this. My days typically consist of obsessing over school assignments, professionalism, lesson planning, tutoring plans, guided reading groups, inquiry research, endless reflecting, crafts and picture book finding whilst juggling how the next volleyball practice should look like and what outcomes should exist as a result of that. Somehow throughout the days of the week, I am able to find hope in the smallest crevices of this messy life and grace is constantly being shown to me where I lack, which seems like everywhere sometimes. I cry every Sunday because that's the only day I have time to and my quiet time with Jesus is spent in the car. I just don't seem to have time to stop and process things for very long the way that I prefer to and I can almost hardly believe this time next year I will be in another country.
About a month ago, I was struggling with my purpose in being called into coaching this volleyball team and serving at a church that is so far away from me. My friends are always asking why I go out so far when there is ministry right here. The best response I can reply with is because that is what The Lord has called me to do and truthfully, I absolutely love it. I wouldn't trade it because yes it is difficult and doesn't make a bit of sense when you look at it, but I am met with an incomparable amount of joy through it all. The Lord is more than trustworthy with my life in his hands. I have peace and full assurance knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. However, as I was praying about these things I had this deep longing in me to know why it all mattered.
"Lord, please just let all of this mean something. Let my life and the efforts I make mean something to these girls I coach, to my professors I attempt to please and to this church that I serve out in Spring Branch. I don't want it to be for nothing. I don't want it to be wasted. Let it matter."
I have been begging for these things from The Lord for weeks. I don't care for self-exaltation or any sort of reward other than just finding rest in knowing that it mattered and made a difference to someone. That my prayers, actions, and words might have added to someone's faith through Jesus Christ. I believe that if what Galatians 2:20 says really is true, then it will matter, and that by faith in Christ living through me makes everything different and is TOTALLY meaningful. If my life has been given value and worth because of what Christ did on the cross, then surely through the Holy Spirit my actions can be just as meaningful. Not so I can become greater, but so He can, namely Jesus Christ.
So I found myself this past weekend caught in this tide washing up in Omaha, Nebraska for the National Homeschool Volleyball Tournament. I accepted this coaching job with a few objectives. 1. to love these girls in truth as people first; not just players or jersey space 2. to win the state and national tournament. In praying for these girls everyday, one thing that I wanted was for them to take away from this season more than just wins and losses. Character, relationships, leadership, faith, and the like were things they would remember 10 years from now. Statistics were big in motivating us this season, but Jesus was the ultimate supplier of our passion. Like any competitive natured person, we wanted to win at the end of the day. Realistically looking at the team that I have gotten to know so well these past few months, I truly believed we would make it to the semi-finals of this tournament. Sadly, we did not end up staying in the gold bracket and did not even come out on top of the silver bracket. By the third day of competing, I was pretty exhausted & my girls who put every drop of emotion they have into their playing were drained as well. Kind of at wits end on what to do next in this position and I was just praying what does this all matter? What am I supposed to glean from this and teach them?
"It matters." Was all I was hearing from The Lord and tears were flooding my eyes. "But What?" I kept wondering. I love how Jesus always patiently teaches me the hard lessons by not letting things go the way I wanted them to.
Through some revelation I just began to understand that my life, though it is a vapor in comparison to eternity spent with The Lord, it matters. Though He doesn't need my affirmation, approval, or even my praise it still matters to Him-The Creator of the Universe. These games that we spend so much time working for, perfecting our skills and emptying ourselves of every possible emotion that we can muster as women are a mist and yet they matter to us. The 'what does it matter’ part I'm still not entirely sure and not as much concerned. I just know that it does. Everything matters. Everything that happens and what we do has purpose and meaning.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Every bit of suffering, every effort and drop of our life that is poured out in the path of obedience-matters. Piper's voice rings in my mind, "It's doing something! It's not meaningless. Of course you can't see what it's doing! Don't look to what is seen…It's working for you an eternal weight of glory, therefore…therefore, do not lose heart."
Sara Groves, one of the most talented and musically inclined artists that I know has some of the most penetrating lyrics that I've ever heard. Namely, her song Why It Matters comes to mind.
"Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters
Speak to me until I understand
Why our thinking and creating
Why our efforts of narrating
About the beauty, of the beauty
And why it matters
Like the statue in the park
Of this war torn town
And it's protest of the darkness
And the chaos all around
With its beauty, how it matters
How it matters
Show me the love that never fails
The compassion and attention
Midst confusion and dissension
Like small ramparts for the soul
How it matters
Like a single cup of water
How it matters"
I love the last line. We don't think about how much something as simple as a cup of water matters in this culture, but that doesn't change the fact that it does matter. Just because we easily over look the small victories, joys, mercies, and blazes of grace that are all around us doesn't mean that they are not.
I truly believe and could see it in their eyes and hear it in their prayers that my girls walked away from this season with meaning and purpose much greater than a few skills or statistics.
Believer, wherever you are in your path of obedience, how you feel and what you are doing matters. Every good and bad thing that happens to you matters. The stranger who waved hello to you, the car you just wrecked, the lesson plan your professor hated, the backwash in your cup, every win, every loss, every cell of cancer, every course you take, every failure, every good/bad motive, every relationship you have, everything that you lose-matters. Why does the divinely inspired author Paul write, “and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)? Because it matters.
“The path of God-exalting joy will cost you your life. Jesus said, “Whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” In other words, it is better to lose your life than to waste it. If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full. This is not a book about how to avoid a wounded life, but how to avoid a wasted life. Some of you will die in the service of Christ. That will not be a tragedy. Treasuring life above Christ is a tragedy.” –John Piper, Don’t Waste Your Life
My prayer for the one reading this is that you are encouraged by the Truth and the awesome work of the Holy Spirit. I hope you are reminded daily of how valuable your life is and how much purpose there is in what you are called to do. I would love to hear what The Lord is doing in your life or how I can be praying for you!
Grace and Peace
