It’s only normal that someone who’s going to drop their cushy, comfortable life in the states, is going to experience doubt and insecurity, right? My mind races and races and races, wondering whether or not my doubts and insecurities will finally win and I’ll give into them, throwing in the towel. The uncomfortable, hard, unpredictable World Race towel.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as if there is nothing I can do to change the world. There is no way I can feed all of the hungry, clothe all of the naked, and heal all of the sick. And I am right. I can’t do everything. I am not God. I am not God; I am Kelsey Conner, a daughter of a Mighty God and a follower of Christ, who will seek to please Him and glorify Him with all that I am and all that I do.
But if I can’t even make a dent on the world, why do I even try? Katie Davis, author of Kisses From Katie, says it better than I ever could.
“Sometimes working in a Third World Country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper. And just when I have about half a cup full of water it rains: more orphaned children from the north migrate to where I live, more abandoned and dead babies are found, more people are infected with HIV. It is enough to discourage even the most passionate and enthusiastic person……love is the reason I just keep filling up my little eyedropper, keep filling it up and emptying my ocean one drop at a time. I’m not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I’m just here to love.”
If you need some time to digest that and tape your jaw shut since it’s probably just hanging open in awe right now, you’re in good company.
Love is such a powerful thing. It is patient. It is kind. It is crossing seas to tell people about Jesus, while clothing and feeding them.
I’ve been doing a devotional about Hebrew words recently, and a couple days ago, one of the words was emunah. Emunah, which means faith, literally translates “to take firm action,” so to have faith is to act. When I began my walk with Christ, I was under the impression that to have faith was to believe and know that I have a Heavenly Father. But as I delved deeper into His word and began to recognize a divine purpose for my life, faith became less like a decision to acknowledge my beliefs and more of a decision to put them into action.
“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” James 2:17
For me, putting my faith into action looks like taking the church to where it’s not. It looks like traveling the world to love on people and bring them the good news. It looks like bringing them the hope of glory, clothing them, feeding them, and healing them. It doesn’t look like accomplishing a check-list entitled How to Please God or crossing off the top 3 things on my bucket list. It is simply faith in action fueled by a love that cannot be measured, that cannot be drowned out or dried up, that can only come from a Father that has an outstretched arm as we run into His embrace.
“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” 1 Cor. 13:2
So to my doubts, my insecurities, and my fears… You do not win. I am not throwing in the towel because you have no power over my life and my kingdom calling. I will not fall victim to doubt, instead I will look to the One who rose in victory. I will continue to pick up my cross and walk daily, surrendering to God and casting out fear with love. Today, I am saying doubts shmoubts as I confidently walk in the path that God has laid out for my life.
