Last month in Spain we got the opportunity to attend a somewhat leadership conference. I learned a lot of really cool stuff that I believe, if I can stay consist with, will help to transform and make me into the man God has me to be. One little quote that really stuck out to me and for whatever reason has been stuck in my head since is that we owe it to God to unlock the reason that we are here. I think about that and what it means to my life. Well of course I owe it to God! He’s saved my life. There’s no good reason I should be alive other then the reason God kept me here. I don’t feel like I owe it to God because I think he wants something in return for helping me out. I don’t think God is a you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours kind of God. I owe it to him because I deserve it! I deserve to become the man that God had in mind. That’s really all he wants anyways isn’t it? I can guarantee one thing though, his idea for my life is far greater then anything I could’ve come up with. Sure, I have no idea what that man looks like. I have no clue the person I am to become. I’ve got a pretty good idea that if I continue to seek him he’s gonna reveal to me as I go. There’s that whole thing of holding onto hope I’m trying to keep in mind even when I have no idea what I’m doing. Which if I think about it I rarely have any idea what I’m doing. That’s not totally true, well it is but it isn’t. I’m not running around here like a chicken with my head cut off. I know what I’m doing . I listen to God, I try and obey him as best as I can. I just can’t see the entire big picture is my point. He does though. He is where my hope lies.
From Barcelona we headed to Pamplona to start 10 days of walking on the Camino de Santiago. I’ve been super excited about this since we found out we were going to get to do it. There’s a certain type of spiritual atmosphere the Camino carries as most people that are walking are walking in hopes of finding something spiritually. Really whether they know it or not everyone really is walking for some sort of purpose. Whether that’s for God or answers to life’s questions.
Winding into the final bit of this insane 11 month trip my intentions were to really get some good quality time away from everybody and just chill and walk and talk with God. So the first morning we set out real early and I got alone and started my Camino. It was a really awesome time of reflection and really wondering what have I learned this year. How have I changed? What can I change?
I got some answers. Some, not really what I would consider encouraging. Well… Ok so one of the things Papa was really impressing on my heart was that I’ve got a long ways to go. I’ve got a lot of changing left to do. Lol at first that’s kind of like oh thanks God but no it wasn’t like that. I know how much I’ve changed. I know who I was a year ago and I know who I am today and I can see that there’s been a massive shift in who I was to who I am now. It’s huge really. What he was really showing me I think though was that I’m not there yet. I still get the chance to change and learn and grow. I get to keep fighting to become that man that I kind of have a fuzzy vision of, the one that He sees and wrote out far before this world ever existed. That’s awesome right? Sure, I’ve come a long way but he’s not done with me yet! Sure, I’ve devoted the last year of my life to him but he’s got a lot more in store for me.
So at first it was kind of like ok wow I’ve got this never ending up hill climb to become this person I’m not even sure what I’m really going after but then he opened me and showed me more. I’ve had such a blast the last couple of years following Jesus it’s been awesome! I’ve absolutely loved learning and growing into this person. More then anything this kind of really just recharged my batteries. Alright you’ve made it this far but let’s keep truckin. I’m excited to see what the future holds. I owe it to him but at the same time I deserve it!
The Camino kept going. We did 150 miles total over 10 days. I was really excited about doing the whole 10 days alone. I got lost once for 2 hours and started regretting this decision though lol. Then all of a sudden I felt like my body started falling apart. Something happened to my hip and every step I took was the worse. I figured out how to limp my way through it and a couple days after it still hurt really bad and I got a shin splint in the same leg. I was close to ready to just give up cause it really did hurt. I’m not one to really care about pain I’ve walked through a lot of physical pain. I can typically handle it but I was hurtin pretty bad. Not only that, the day we started walking this ingrown toe nail I’ve had for a few months now, started acting up. Luckily it was on the other foot. So I’m pretty much hurtin and walking about a snails pace and I realize I can’t by myself anymore. I literally had to walk with other people. I had to have company to keep my mind off this pain. There was no oh don’t worry about it you can just give up. No I had a certain time to be in a certain place and I had to be there and I wasn’t about to take a bus. So I found myself walking with a couple of friends from the squad and it turned out to be pretty great. I’m sure I complained my shares worth but we made it and it ended up not being all that horrible.
We met tons of different people from all over the world which was really awesome. Some folks that I’ll never forget others that I couldn’t wait to get away from them. Just being honest. Towards the end of our 10 days though one of the girls we had become pretty good friends with asked what was the biggest thing we learned? As soon as she asked it hit me.
The first part of the trip all I wanted to do was be alone and by the end it just didn’t work out that way. So it hit me I simply can’t walk through this life alone. I need people. We need people to make it. I’ve been in constant community for nearly 11 months and all I wanted to do was get away and realized man I need these people. I gotta be around folks. Maybe that’s my extroverted side I don’t know but it’s just weird how much I realized I need my people. It was cool just to see the way it played out. It may not look like anything more then just a bunch of rambling but for me it was pretty profound. I can’t do this life on my own. I need help. Sure, I think God is big enough to get me where he needs to on his own but he knows what I need and will put those people in my path and that’s what he has done for me this year. I will never forget these people and the experiences we’ve gotten to share together. I’ll never forget all I’ve learned through my World Race family. It’s good skills I imagine I’ll carry with me forever.
So what did I learn on the Camino? I have a long way to go and I can’t do it without my people!
