Nepal has been a really cool month for me. My faith has been tested. I’ve been stretched, I’ve been pulled, I’ve been pushed physically farther then I ever thought possible for myself. This month started out with a week long Father heart conference. It was basically just that. Experiencing the Father’s heart for his children. My squad and I all stayed at a ministry host house and went to sessions all day. It was a very peaceful, relaxing, restful week leading into some of the most intense trekking I personally have ever done.
So after the conference my team was partnered up with another team and we set out to our ministry host. We spent like 4 or 5 days in Kathmandu. We got to help build a church in one of the slums that was devastated by the earthquake exactly a year ago on April 25th. Hard to believe it’s already been a year. I remember when the earthquake hit, already knowing i’d be in Nepal, I could not wait to get over here and help these people out. Side note the Nepali people are amazing! They are extremely kind and hospitable. Especially coming from India which most would consider a hell hole. So it was a nice change of pace to be in a beautiful country with such beautiful people. Anyways, the church, we had a blast coming alongside these people and helping rebuild what’s going to be a pretty awesome little church right in the middle of a slum next to the airport in Kathmandu. We may never get to see the finished product but it truly was an honor to get to be a part of this rebuilding project.
From Kathmandu we boarded a bus with our packs and set out for a 12 day trek in the “foothills” of Nepal. Keep in mind these people live in the highest elevated country in the world so “foothills” are in fact mountains. We rode out about 5 hours to the Chitwan district. This is near the national park we got to spend a couple of days at when my team first came into Nepal. We got to see rhinos and ride elephants and hike through this national forest. It was pretty flat the entire time so when our host said we would be headed to Chitwan I was fully expecting there not to be much of any mountains. I was wrong. We got off the bus and spent the night at a little old church in a village in the middle of no where. The next morning we set out for our first day. It was hard! We hiked 8 and a half hours but we made it. Oh yeah its also the hottest month of the year for Nepal. From there we trekked out into the villages and evangelized. Nothing extravagant but it was very cool to get to bring this good news to people who’ve never heard. Also pretty neat being the first white people ever in these villages. Im sure we looked like complete aliens to most of the people.
So we trekked and evangelized the entire time. Everyday was long and hot but everyday people got to hear and experience the love of the Father. Pretty neat if you ask me. I think my favorite part was at this one house we went to. There were a few men sitting on the porch. A couple of older gentlemen and a younger man, who just so happened to be the most popular witch doctor in this certain village. This was the third witch doctor we had run into so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for us. For whatever reason we decided to ask first if anyone had any physical pain and needed prayer. This was after we introduced ourselves. One of the older men said he had bad knees. So myself and another friend laid hands on his knees. He was sitting right next to the witch doctor. We must have prayed for this guy 6 times and little by little he was getting healed. Then all of a sudden the man started saying Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah! He got new knees and couldn’t wait to be able to start farming again come the next morning.
I think from that point we pretty much lost the witch doctor. He was cold after that. He saw that we were operating from a place much more powerful then anything he had ever seen. Which was ok! We tried to love him anyways. He just wasn’t having it though. He knew who Jesus was and yet again was another person who thinks we all serve the same God. Thats fine but once again thats not what God says. Anyways healing a man next to a witch doctor was the highlight of my trip.
On the opposite end God broke my heart this week. There was one day where our teams split off and one team went one way and the other another way. One team went to the house of an elderly lady who had just recently lost her entire family. Minus like 6 or 7 grandchildren. A couple of months previous 9 members of this ladies family came across some mushrooms in the woods. Keep in mind we are in month 6 of the dry season. These people are extremely poor. No food, no water, no money to go get food. Hell they don’t even have roads. We are literally in the middle of no where Nepal. By this point they are surviving on this certain type of root that grows in the jungle and whatever else they can find if they don’t have food stored up from this years crops. I imagine this family was hungry. They found some mushrooms. 9 of them ate them and all 9 died. The mothers, the fathers, the older children gone just like that. While the 6 or 7 grand children and grand mother had to sit back and watch their entire family die before them. Absolutely tragic. Absolutely heartbreaking. This team went in with intentions of sharing the gospel and in turn got to be an ear for this lady to cry and talk about her family. Two of the local pastors grabbed the children up and took them down to the water source and began washing them with leaves. None of them had clothes. The grandmother was shirtless and still trying to feed the youngest off of her breast. This family will forever be etched on my heart and I never even saw them.. I may never get to make sense of this and why this kind of thing happens. This is where my wrestle with God really began.
Yes, I realize God didn’t make them eat those mushrooms. I realize God would never inflict this sort of pain on these helpless people. Do I believe God could have stopped this? Yeah I do and this is where I started struggling with him. On a more selfish note too. Our financial deadline was April 29th and I was $2275 short of my final goal. I was fully expecting to be completely funded by the time we got back from our trip. So when I got back and realized I wasn’t I was honestly pretty upset with him. I doubted him and everything he’s been telling me. I doubted his word. I doubted his promises but most of all I doubted the worthiness us “humans” supposedly have with him. How can we believe he loves us so much? How am I supposed to feel free when I constantly feel like i’m just another one of his puppets? I’ve given up my entire life to follow him and I’m not seeing the results I was promised. Ask for anything in Jesus’ name and it will be granted??? Yeah right when is that promise supposed to come into effect? All these doubts and questions immediately started flooding my mind and I became bitter with God. Yeah I can look back on the past couple of years and see where he has blessed my life tremendously. This is true, but what about the things he promised me?
I feel extremely selfish considering my heart was broken for a family whose surviving on roots in the middle of the jungle but let’s be real our realities are totally different. This is the life he’s called ME into. So I voiced my opinion with him and with another squad mate. I really laid it all out there too. How I was really feeling ya know. I’ve never been one to sugar coat things. And this time was no different. I’m bummed out God and you need to know about it. I really worked myself up into a tussy.
We got to the coffee shop I got me a double shot, got seated ready to do a little fundraising cause if God’s not going to make it happen I’ve got to do something to raise the rest of my funds or I’m coming back to America with my tail between my legs. So I’m sittin there I open my email. I received an email from Adventures one of those nice little “gift received” emails. I open it and I literally went stone faced. Here I was fully funded with one gift… And then I started feeling bad for all the things I had just complained about. I apologized for most but was sure to let him know some of those frustrations were real frustrations and I still have them lol. Either way I’m totally shocked and feeling like a jerk at the same time as extremely grateful and overwhelmed. A weird mixture of emotions. I think I kind of forgot how to talk for a little while. I couldn’t do anything but sit there and stare at the email. This massive weight completely wiped clean. Yet again I felt his blanket of grace come over me. I was forgiven and I could rejoice. I’m FULLY FUNDED!
So I decided I would walk back to the house by myself to get alone with God. He reminded me over and over again the pure love that he has for me. All that time I felt like I was nothing more then a puppet. He clarified this for me. He told me he could literally put me on a stage right now preaching revivals in front of hundreds of thousands of people if he wanted to but it wouldn’t mean anything. I’d fall because Id never be able to appreciate the hard work it takes to get to that point. He changed my perception. Look at it as being sharpened he said. It reminded me of the 16 year old kid who was given a brand new car for his birthday. He’ll never “fully” appreciate it because he never had to work for it. In the same way if God were to take me through the process of becoming the person he has in store for me without me struggling and working hard fighting for it. How can I ever fully appreciate the work he’s done in my life? We talked about the family amongst other things. So he cleared the air and all is well.
So here I am with a few days break back in Kathmandu before we hit the road again for another week of trekking/evangelizing in Pokhara. Im worn out but i’m resting. Totally excited to be back on the trail and see what the big man has in store next! A quick thank you to everyone that has supported me up to this point whether that was financially, spiritually, through prayer or encouraging words. You guys are all awesome and I wish I could thank you enough! I will be posting a more formal appreciative blog on this faith journey of becoming fully funded and all of you who helped me get to this point. But until then Thank You! I love you.
