So this time between training camp and launch has been… Well, it’s been weird is all I can say. I feel like I’ve packed a years time in a couple of short months. Since camp I’ve been to Colorado, Wyoming, Oregon, Washington, Nevada and California. Someone told me God was about to start showing me his vastness and he has done that for sure. I felt bad because the only thing I wanted to do when I got home to Atlanta from camp was leave again.
I don’t know what made me feel like that. Maybe the chaos. Maybe the hustle. Maybe the fact that I just didn’t want to be around the people I love knowing that I just have to leave them again. It’s strange to feel this way but it’s true. You would think I’d want to squeeze in as much time as possible but it’s hard for me to say goodbye, I’d rather just disappear. That’s how I’ve always been though and it’s probably not the best trait to have.
This time away has been very beneficial for me though. I’ve gotten to work, be alone, pray, read, study, explore, grow. It’s been a really cool transition from camp leading into launch. I won’t lie though I’ve fallen under all kinds of attack from the enemy. And looking at it from the spirit it’s always been tiny little petty stuff. It sure doesn’t feel that way when it’s on you though. It’s funny how one minute you can go from happy joyous and free to the next pissed off with fire coming from your ears but that’s just what he does. Steals kills and destroys and he’s going to take it as far as we allow him. I’ll admit I let him in my head on several occasions.
I found myself slipping into old habits and behaviors. Talking the way I used to. Thinking the way I used to. Looking at people and things the way I used to. And it all seemed to happen in the snap of a finger. Next thing I know I’m looking around crying out Jesus what just happened!! Where did I go? Why am I doing this to myself? And that Jesus he’s just got a great way of kind of just grabbing me by the shoulders and turning me back to his way. Almost like someone directing a blind person about to run into something. And he does it with these great big open arms full of grace and mercy. I’d be in so much trouble if I didn’t have him!
He puts me back on track time after time after time! It’s crazy how he loves us and won’t let go. As much as I’ve given him reason to leave me and give up on me, he just won’t do it. He knows everything I’m going through. He shares my thoughts, my struggles, my pains, my fears. It’s nothing new to him. He also delights in my joys and the good times. I believe he cherishes those times above everything for us. He sees them before we do. When we’re down in the valley I can just see him saying oh man Kelsey please just hold on a little longer, have I got a surprise for you! Just a little longer don’t let go, don’t give up, it’s all going to be so worth it. He always comes in such a unique and non traditional everyday way. He’s hard to fathom sometimes. His truth is so simple yet so vast. It’s unbelievable. Well I gotta say, for a God of miracles start believing because I am no one special. He wants the same relationship with all of us!
So heading into Launch. Spiritually I’m ready. Physically I’m ready. Mentally I’m ready. Financially I still have a little ways to go. The old saying, God qualifies the called right. So I know and trust that he’s going to show up on time but at the same time it has opened the door for a lot of doubts and fears to enter in. I have felt super inadequate at times. It’s so funny to me how I can post something on Facebook just about anything and get 50-75 likes, then post something about the race and poof everyone goes ghost. Or sending out 200 support letters and only being acknowledged by maybe 10 people. It doesn’t really feel good and has been a major growing and learning process for me. But I get it even I turn a blind eye and scroll past people asking for money all the time.
So with that, if there are any future racers reading this, I encourage you keep grinding. Keep pushing forward and leaning in. Keep asking! Who cares if people get tired of reading your post. That’s more then likely their problem not yours. Also, don’t let go of your time with the Lord! Put it above everything. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day and just say oh Jesus we’ll hang out tomorrow. Don’t do it. Tomorrow turns into next week and next thing you know you’re believing the lies. My pastor said it best, the greater the calling the greater the attack. The World Race is a massive calling and the devil doesn’t want to see you go. He won’t let up and any foothold you give him he’ll get in there and take residence. Stay on guard, stay alert, keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight. TRUST JESUS
