I sit here on my couch trying to figure out a marvelous and awe-inspiring story to share with all of you since I haven’t written since January (sorry about that, by the way!). I look at other people’s blogs and read about wonderful, extraordinary things the Lord is teaching them or placing in their lives. Then I look at myself and I feel as if my experiences are insignificant in comparison. My life at the moment is not a huge adventure. Instead, I’m working several jobs and fundraising as well as trying to keep up a social life and fellowship with those I will not see for a year come September. Though there is not one big epiphany or lesson that is defining this season of my life, I have realized that He is working in my life through little lessons that come with grand impacts on the way I perceive my every day as well as how I view myself. So here’s a few things I would like to share with you all about my life currently:
- Following the Lord is a precious experience, both internally and externally. It will lead you down avenues that never would have been available to you otherwise. It will form relationships with people who will inspire and uplift you and love you unendingly. You will grow as a person as you are stretched out of your comfort zone and have to rely fully on Christ for your needs. However, following Him is not easy. The enemy will try and work against you and redo everything you have worked so hard to accomplish in the Lord’s Name. The enemy doesn’t want to see you succeed and I’ve been experiencing this these past few months. Insecurity has crept in my mind along with comparing myself to others, doubts, and fears, especially regarding the World Race. “I dropped out of school and I don’t have a certain skill set like others do. What do I even have to offer?” and “I have to raise almost $17,000, with $10,000 needing to be raised by July. There’s no way I can do that in such a short amount of time. That’s too much money.” are definitely the top two that daily haunt me. Vulnerability is not my forte so I won’t express these insecurities aloud too often, but they’re there.
Now I know these things are all a lie. I know that when you are focused on the path the Lord has set for you, persecution will creep in and try to block you from reaching your destination. Philippians 4:6-7 says:
“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.”
Prayer. Pray, pray, and pray some more. It’s easy to say but something I need to engage in more frequently. Peace will overcome the anxieties and doubts the enemy has thrown at me when I give it all up to Christ. I KNOW my worth and that I have plenty to bring to the table, even if I don’t have a degree. A piece of paper does not determine my value nor my gifts. It does not make me inferior to those who have degrees and I need to stop giving in to the lies that society tells us in regards to this. I KNOW my God will provide when I am in need, physically, spiritually, and financially. I do not have to wear myself out trying to do it all. I know He will let donations flow in His perfect timing. I do what I can and let God do the rest. He is so good and He will provide always. I’m thankful to recognize this truth and continually being reminded of it. - Community. Growing up, I never was part of one group for long. I was a group hopper, you could say. I had friends in many different communities but I never felt like I fit into any certain one. Once I hit college, I retreated into myself. I became introverted, never feeling comfortable enough to be my true self around anyone let alone confess my struggles or express vulnerability. I stopped going to church partly because I didn’t see the big deal in having a faith-based community when I could barely open up to those closest to me. One of my biggest fears after being accepted onto the race is that I would live in a community with my squadmates and not be fully okay with showing them me. Thank the Lord that he knows my every thought and doubt because He placed me back in Huntsville where I have learned that community is EVERYTHING. I have rekindled relationships with childhood friends who help me crawl out of my shell and fight my social anxiety, encourage me to dig deeper in my faith, hold me accountable for everything I say and do, love me unconditionally, and most importantly pray for me and speak truth into my life. I have also found a church where everyone you meet treats you like you are the most important person in the room. They go above and beyond to show love and kindness and generosity. They genuinely invest their time and energy into each other and do it with such gladness! They’ve taught me true authentic community in the short two and a half months of attending there and for that I am grateful. Community is not always going to be clean. In fact, it’s going to be messy and filled with mistakes and mishaps. But if you keep investing in these relationships, it will be the most beautiful and rewarding thing to experience.
- Feelings are feeling are feelings. They are justified because they are yours and you are experiencing them. However, sometimes feelings are just that: feelings. Even though you are experiencing them does NOT mean you should act upon them in certain circumstances. I can decide what to do with my feelings and I’m learning that sometimes it’s just better to let them pass and move on.
- The last thing I’m learning is that EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I do as well as experience is to shape me into being more like my Savior and less like me. PRAISE GOD. I’ll let this one speak for itself.
So this is it. This is what Holy Spirit whispers to me through quiet evenings and above my insecure thoughts.
I am content. I am joyous. I am humbled. I am so loved and I am so very thankful.
Love always,
Kelsea
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