Let me start by saying that what you are about to read is a personal decision. I am not writing this to pass judgment or to be condescending. I simply want to give my testimony about the role that alcohol has played in my life and why I chose to leave it behind for a year.
I remember having my first drink at the beginning of my senior year of High school. It was a pre-mixed Cosmopolitan. I honestly don’t remember what my thoughts were about it. From there I began partying more my senior year of high school on the weekends. I would take liquor out of my dads liquor cabinet and fill his vodka bottles back up with water. I went to college and found this new freedom where no one was keeping tabs on me. My mom wasn’t waiting up for me to make it home by curfew. I drank all through college sometimes 5-6 times a week. I still made good grades and always put my schooling first. After college, I slowed down a bit but I was still going out on Thursdays and drinking on the weekends. Sunday was left to be hung over and try to get ready for the workweek. In 2013, I was arrested for a DUI and that slowed my drinking habits down a bit but not by much. My social circle was very much centered on the party scene and that’s just what we did. I craved being around my friends and so I would have done anything just to be around them. I noticed a shift a year ago when my friends were moving into only drinking occasionally and not going out and getting wild every weekend like I was still doing.
Honestly, up until being on the race, I wouldn’t have even said that I had a problem with alcohol. It wasn’t until I decided to write down the ways that alcohol has negatively impacted my life that I realized this is not everyone’s story that drinks. When I was drinking, I also became addicted to cigarettes and nicotine. I tried drugs that I would not have had I not been under the influence. I gave away my purity to a person I did not love in the blink of an eye because I was drunk. From then on, I gave my body to anyone who paid attention to me while I was drinking. I was put in jail because of alcohol. I was arrested twice because of alcohol. I lost my license because of alcohol. I paid over $4000 because of court fees due to alcohol. I have not gotten interviews and jobs because of my record due to alcohol. I lied a lot because of alcohol especially before I was 21. I hurt people with my words when I was under the influence. I caused permanent physical and mental damage to my body because of the large amount of times that I blacked out. I slipped into a deeper darker depression because I was using alcohol to cope with it. I almost committed suicide because I was under the influence of alcohol.
Why did I choose to leave it behind for this year?
Because Jesus asked me to. He asked me to leave my burdens, my sin, my temptations, my past, and my addictions at the foot of the cross when I gave my life back to Him.
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.”
Mark 8:34-35
I gave it up because I want to learn who I am and who God is calling me to be without that being a part of my identity. I want to grow into no longer seeing alcohol as a temptation in my life. I want to live a life that glorifies Him and the way that I used alcohol is not glorifying. I now walk in the light of life and alcohol is the part of that darkness that I left behind.
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
I gave it up because Jesus set me free. The world and everything within it no longer have a hold on my soul. I am not saying that I will never have another drink again. I don’t know what the future looks like. But I do know that the next time I choose to have a drink, I will be doing out of completely different ambitions and motivations. I will first ask myself if this is glorifying the Lord and if my actions that stem from the drink will be honoring to Him. When I can answer those 2 questions with a firm yes then I can have another drink. For right now, I can say that alcohol is very much still a temptation for me and I am not quite ready to invite it back into my life. I am still growing and learning what a life without alcohol looks like. I would love for prayers and support through this journey. If you have words of encouragement or have walked through a similar situation and have advice, I am all ears!
Update: I am currently in Siem Reap, Cambodia. We are working for Samuel International School which is Preschool, Kindergarten, and 1st grade. I am helping in the preschool class which has been such a joy but also exhausting! We are living in the city and have bikes to get around so it’s been quite fun to explore this awesome place. The people of Cambodia are kind and welcoming to us foreigners and I have learned how to count in Khmer (their language) but thats about it. We get the awesome opportunity to go see Angkor Wat which is one of the seven wonders of the world as well as the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh. I ask that you pray for our bodies and our minds this month. We have a lot of ministry and are pouring a lot out into the school but not always taking the time to fill ourselves back up. Pray that the Lord sustains us and gives us energy and patience when there is none left. Pray for the Cambodian people and for their hearts. God is moving and working here but there is still a lot of heartache and hurt from what happened here so long ago. Thank you for your continued support and please let me know if there is anything that I can be praying about for you!
