Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately and I’m not sure if I really know why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been doing a bible study about Eve and marriage. Or because I am reading David Platt’s Counter Culture and just finished the chapter on marriage. (HIGHLY recommend this book!) Or maybe because the topic just seems to be coming up in random conversations and I can’t seem to shake it. It could also be that I just turned 26 and that I recall having such different plans for myself by now. While I know that God’s plan has me exactly where I am supposed to be right now heading out on the Race in a few months and remaining single for the next year and a half, I won’t sit here and lie to you all that I don’t think about it. I know in previous posts I have stated that marriage is all I long for. To experience that type of commitment and love from someone is something I have never had. To feel that sense of loyalty to someone and know that they are going to be by your side every single step of the way is unfathomable to me. So some squad members gave me a great idea to begin writing letters to my future husband over the next year. To allow him, whoever he may be, the opportunity to see and live some of what I am going to experience through diary entries and pictures. While I am not going to share every word to my future husband with you all, I thought I would give you my opening diary entry.
To my future husband,
Well I just turned 26. 4 years to 30 is all I can think about. This marriage time bomb keeps ticking away in the back of my mind. I had such different plans for myself back in my early 20’s. I thought for sure that I would have met you a few years ago and we would be getting ready to get married or maybe even celebrating our 1st year anniversary together. Maybe we would have even began talking about starting a family. But that’s not how it’s turned out. You are still out there. Somewhere. Maybe you are sitting down to write the same letter to me and wondering where you went wrong. Why haven’t you found me yet??
I have done a lot of growing up over the past year. It’s been a tough but inspiring road to say the least. I have changed in so many ways and all of them are for the better. I think about how much a disservice it would have been to you if we had met before this moment. How unfair it would have been for you to never experience the woman that I am today. While my heart still longs for you every day, my thoughts and ideas of who you are and who I am as a wife has changed so much. I thought I would share those ideas with you.
- Christ is at the center of your life. You are a God-fearing man and you love him with all your heart, mind & soul. I used to think that this was a place where I could settle for less than what I wanted. I thought well if he knows who God is and is willing to raise our children in the church then that’s enough for me. It’s not until Christ became the center of my life again that I realized I cannot sacrifice here. Our life together is fully centered on Christ. Every decision that we make won’t be done without devoted prayer and time so that God can show us his plan for our lives.
- The love that we have for each other paints a picture of what Christ’s love is for his people. I will never question that you love me or vice versa. I will remind you in small ways of my undying love for you. You will never stop surprising me with ways that you show me your love. We will respect and honor each other always. We will be open & honest about everything, even the small things. We will work every single day to make sure that our love for each other doesn’t get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. Each night & each morning, we will tell each other “I love you”. I can’t even begin to fathom what this kind of love looks like but if it’s anything even close to this, then I will consider myself the luckiest woman in the world.
- I am a better person because of you. I know that you will have difficulty with taming my wild, independent ways but I have faith that you will stick by me through the learning process. I promise to see myself as a compliment and not a competitor to you, yielding to your leadership and selflessly loving you through it all. I promise to always respect you as a man, husband, and provider. You will tame my ways but you won’t take them away from me because they are a part of who I am. You will love & support me when I need to fulfill my independent urge through different careers/ventures even if they fail.
- We will work every day at our relationship. I know that it will not be easy. God did not design marriage to be a walk in the park. It is hard and it requires sacrifice and work every day. We will always openly communicate when something is bothering us. We will selflessly approach the annoyance and try to work through it. If we hit a bump in the road, we won’t run the other way. Instead we will pour our blood, sweat, and tears into it and come out on the other side stronger and more in love.
While I will always wonder who you are, future husband, I know that God is preparing you for me as we speak. Who knows when I will meet you or maybe if our paths have already crossed. But as I write this first entry to you prior to this year of indescribable experiences, I promise to always allow God to mold me into the woman that he sees for you. I know that I am going to change & develop mentally, spiritually, & physically over the next year. I cannot wait to document these changes and experiences so that maybe one day you can understand how I became the woman you married. One day, I hope that we can look back on this letter and smile knowing that even now as a I write this, God was preparing me to meet you.
Fundraising Update:
Another shout out to all the amazing people who made my birthday so special! Through their generosity, I was given pretty much all the gear that I will need for my upcoming journey! Praise God for He is always good!
As far as funds go, I am currently at $5,975 so just under $6,000 which is just amazing! I met my June goal a month early (WOOHOO) so I am now looking towards my August goal of $10,000 in my account. God has provided so much already so I know that things are only going to get better from here! If you have not donated but would like to, just go to the top of this page, click the support me tab, have a debit/credit card handy, & follow instructions. All donations are tax deductible!
If you would like to support me in other ways, I will be having a garage sale at the end of June and am looking for items to sell. If you live near my in Indy and are going to be doing some end of the spring cleaning of closets, instead of taking the items to Goodwill, give me a call/text/email/comment below and I will gladly take them off your hands! I also will be doing some Dine and Donate nights at a few restaurants here in the next few months so keep an eye out for those as well!
Again, I could not be doing this without all of your support. Your prayers, words of encouragement, emails, financial support, gear support, and smiles have meant the world to me! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!
