As training camp approached, I did everything I could think of to try and prepare myself for the week of unknown ahead.
I packed up my gear and clothes. I was more diligent in working out to be physically prepared to carry around my pack and daypack with ease. I prayed asking Jesus to remove my expectations for training camp and asked that he would show up and teach me and love me there in whatever we would be doing.
I thought I was as ready as I could possibly be. I thought it would be easy, that I had everything under control.
All my little ducks in a nice, tidy row just the way I like them.
Then my neatly laid out plans were wrecked.
The day before training camp I was in a serious car wreck.
I’m incredibly blessed to have walked away from it. The car I was driving was totaled. All the airbags went off (praise Jesus!) but despite that I still hit my head on the steering wheel and ended up with a concussion. I also got a lot of deep bruises all over; my hand and left shoulder were the worst. As I spent several hours in the emergency room I thought how this was the worst possible time for me to have been in a wreck. My doctor very reluctantly gave me permission to still go to training camp, but with strict orders to not lift or carry anything for at least 3-4 days. She told me that I was going to be incredibly sore and stiff and that movement was going to be a challenge for a few days, especially the 24-48 hours after the wreck.
I told my squad what had happened and explained that I would need help from them. I was so thankful that their responses were all so quickly willing to love and serve me. I’m blessed to be part of O Squad.
When I got to training camp it was pretty much a sensory overload for me. So many people all in one place. So much information to take in. Loud music and worship. All such great things, but toss in that concussion and it was a whole lot at once. I feel like I didn’t process anything the first several days. I took a whole bunch of notes that I am processing through now that I’m back home, but in the time at camp I felt completely unable to focus for anything.
So all my plans of listening to and absorbing everything they told us were gone. All my plans of being physically self-sufficient were gone. MY plans were gone. Praise Jesus that his plans are wayyy better than mine and that he works ALL things together for our good.
I found myself really frustrated a few days into the week. Feeling just really insufficient and like my time at training camp was being wasted because I didn’t feel fully mentally present. Like I mentioned in my last blog post, my world race mom, Rynette, was talking with me and as I expressed my feelings she pointed me back to Jesus. She told me to take the time to grieve my expectations for training camp and trust that Jesus was still doing work in my heart and life, to ask him for clarity and peace in that. Through tears I wrote in my journal and prayed, and Jesus definitely answered. I was so much more at peace the rest of the week.
I learned what it looks like to be dependent on Jesus in a whole new way at training camp.
I’m thankful that my plans were wrecked.
I’m so thankful for how my squad loved and served me. It was a blessing to have them pursue relationships with me despite the fact that I probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense, haha.
I loved how they prayed for and over me, again and again, refusing to give up on healing for me. There is such power in prayer and I felt it so strongly this past week.
I’m still struggling with some symptoms from my concussion, like a ridiculously short attention span and feeling like I can’t effectively communicate my thoughts. So bear with me as I work through this, I apologize if things I write for the next little while are a bit scatterbrained. I pray that Jesus would still speak through these words and bless and encourage someone through them.
It never ceases to amaze me how God changes and takes away my expectations and replaces them with his plans. I feel like that’s been the theme of my world race journey so far, my expectations constantly being removed and replaced with something different and better.
Thanks Jesus for loving me so well and for working out your heart’s desires in my life and not my own.
