Today has been mentally and emotionally exhausting.
One thing after another all day long, just constantly having an endless list of things I need to accomplish and things to think through.
But God is good.
Even in the midst of my little breakdowns.
I had a moment this morning when I was just too overwhelmed and ready to just give up and go back to bed and to just try again tomorrow. I sat on the sofa with my dog and cried about it, because at the moment that was just what needed to happen.
Shortly after that I looked at my phone and was reminded of the verses the girls in O squad (the best squad) were going to study this week. Romans 12:9-13. So I spent some time with Jesus working through those verses word by word and spent quite a while praying. Praying against this discouragement I feel when I think about the details of what all needs to happen before the race and how overwhelming they seem all at once. Praying that I would be faithful to my calling and not chicken out and go back to my happy comfy little life of complacency.
You know how sometimes there is a specific moment in time where all of a sudden you know there is no going back? That you’re all in, wholeheartedly committed to something, no going back? Well that moment happened today.
Today I posted my car for sale.
It was something I knew from the beginning of my World Race journey that I needed to do, but kept holding off. You see, as long as I have my lovely car I can return to being a nanny. I can turn my back on what Jesus has called me to do and run back to the life I know and not have to face the changes and unknown before me. For the idea to go away of me still being able to go back away from the World Race, the car had to go.
So in a matter of days (prayerfully one of the people who contacted me today will buy it) it will be gone.
I’m in. There is no going back now. I’m in for a wild ride through change and the unknown as I follow Jesus calling me out upon the water.
Funny story, today, an hour before I was supposed to meet with a couple interested in my car I locked my keys in my car.
For the first time in my life, I locked my keys in my car.
Of all the times for this to have happened, it happened then. Welcome to my life guys. Nothing ever seems to go the way I plan, haha. But Jesus used it for me to share the gospel with two guys outside the Panera where I was stranded. They saw me sitting at the table outside and started talking to me, asking why on earth I would choose to sit outside in the heat. I explained what I had done, locking my keys in my car, and they insisted on waiting until AAA got there to help me. At first I was a bit annoyed because I was in a safe public place and I can take care of myself, lol. But then they struck up a conversation with me about the tattoos on my arms. I was able to explain the arrows and Exodus 14:14 and the double infinity and Romans 8:38-39 to them and what they represented. We talked briefly about the gospel and my story behind the tattoos before the wonderful AAA guy arrived to get me back into my car. It was great.
I realize I’m hopping about a bit in my post here, but I’m just a bit scattered tonight and have so many things I want to get down before I fall asleep.
Let’s go back to when I realized I had locked my keys in my car. It was an awful moment. I still can’t believe I did it. I’m embarrassed a bit about it still, haha. Oh, but it does make me laugh that it happened right when it did.
As soon as I realized I was locked out, I called my Daddy. He is a mechanic and knows how to get into my car when its locked. So who else would a girl call to come rescue her? He told me he didn’t want to cancel his plans, that I’d have to figure out something else. Great. Thanks for being my knight in shining armor today, Daddy. I then called my uncle, who is also a mechanic, and should know how to help me in this situation. I called him 5 times in a row. You know how you can tell when someone sends your call to voicemail? Yep, he did that. Every time. I got so frustrated! I sent up an angry little prayer that went something like, “God, why, WHY did you stick me with this family?! They frustrate me and make me mad sooo much sometimes. They’re not there when I need help. What am I supposed to do?!” God’s response was a whispering in my heart, “Do you trust me? I’ve given you family in me.”
So I thought for a bit more about who I could possibly get to come help me. So I called my friend Meghan, between her Dad, brother, and fiancé I figured one of them might could help me. I also sent her fiancé, my friend Josh, a text right before calling her. Turns out they were all not around or able to come help me. But then Josh called. Praise Jesus for brothers in Christ who can send someone to rescue you when you need it. Josh sent me someone from AAA to get me back in my car at no cost to me. Thank you so much! I owe you my friend, praying many blessings on you for your help today.
45 minutes later I was back in my car on my way to meet with the couple who is interested in purchasing my car.
Ok, lets hop to why I was at Panera when I locked my keys in my car. A friend of mine texted and said she wanted to meet up with me to talk. We’ve been going through some rough stuff in our friendship lately and trying to find our way back to friendship with Jesus in the middle of it. We sat down and just talked through everything for a couple hours this afternoon, and despite the jumbled words at times, Jesus did work. I’m thankful for friends who are willing to fight for our friendships and not give up with things get hard. I’m excited to see how our friendship might grow, gospel centered, and for what the future holds here.
Last thing, I promise. Today when my Daddy willingly chose not to come help me, a little part of me broke. When your daughter calls you and says, “Daddy, I need you,” the first thing out of your mouth should be, “Where are you? I’m on my way.” I want the love and affection of my Father and it tears me up every single time He chooses not to be there for me. This isn’t the first time, those of you who know me and my past, you know all about it. I love my Daddy a whole lot, but recently there is also a whole lot of hurt associated with him in my life. I’m so very, very thankful that even when my earthly father fails me, my heavenly Father will never ever let me down. Its been something I seem to have to keep learning over and over again. Desiring so strongly to have my father looking out for and providing for me here on earth, I easily overlook where God is doing just that in every area of my life. He provided someone to come “rescue” me today. He is providing family for me in Him to love me and bring me back to Jesus when my biological family fails me time and time again.
I’ll leave you with the verses I’ve been meditating on today thanks to O squad #sistercipleship.
“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep praying. When God’s people are in need be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.”
Oh just how fitting this all was in light of everything that happened today.
