I’m heartbroken.
I prayed, “Jesus, give me a heart for your people. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Let me learn to love the way you love.”
Bad idea. Especially since I prayed that right before reading blogs and watching videos from current world racers.
Now I sit here on my couch, tears streaming down my face, heart breaking for so many people that I have yet to meet.
Heart breaking for those enslaved in sex trafficking, for the forgotten orphans, for those who feel utterly unloved and lost.
I had allowed myself to wallow in worry and doubt today and let the “what ifs” take over for a while. What if I can’t pay for the trip? What if I’m not enough what if I can’t handle it? What if I don’t have the words to tell them? What if there isn’t anything I can do? They go on.
I can’t pay for the trip on my own. I know with every part of me that I’m called to go on the World Race. I’m called to go and be the hands and feet of Jesus around the world. I know that he will provide (financially) for me through the ordinary means of grace and people donating and reveal his goodness to me over and over again in that.
I’m not going to be enough and on my own I can’t handle all that I’m going to face while I’m overseas. But I don’t have to be enough. Jesus is enough. Enough for me. Enough for every single person I’ll meet. Enough for every challenge I’ll face. In Jesus I am made enough.
I won’t have words. Those of you who know me well know that I jumble my words all the time and often say, “I can’t word.” But praise Jesus, he takes my jumbled words and speaks with clarity through them.
There will be times when I can’t physically do anything to fix something or help someone. But I can pray. And there is serious power in prayer, because the God of the universe hears my prayers and he loves His people and always does what is best for them.
As I was reading blogs today I found this and it is exactly what is on my heart.
“I will not be moved, I tell the enemy
He has no power over my heart and love for the Lord
I want to see chains break
I want to see the hungry souls be fed
I want to hold the motherless
pray for their future as though I am their mother
I want to pray for healing for the weary
I want men to come to know who the LORD
stand in awe of his POWER
I want families to be healed
I want the lame to dance
I want the powerless to stand strong in the salvation of Christ
I want the depressed to find joy
The broken in spirit to be made new.
I want revival…
I’m done with people thinking life is all about survival
I want to scream the truth of my savior
Even if I have to give my life
I can’t find anything else worth more than HIM
I want to see my fears diminish, vanish
I want to hear the gospel be preached like drums
Loud!
I often feel set apart
as though some do not understand me
I am not to be understood
My savior is much more important to understand
I want to speak to people about his Glory
…Temptation Galore… no, more like… Victory
I will not be moved… I am fiercely rooted.”
I am fiercely rooted in Jesus and His unmatched love for me. He has overcome the world and all the what ifs.
