Dear Family (cause we are ALL family :))
We are here in Swaziland, Africa with VERY slow and limited internet access! Sorry gang, no pictures for a while – they take forever to post. If have not watched my last video blog – “Healing at Alabanza” please take a moment to watch it.
Today, I feel freedom, I am finally becoming fully alive, fully alive in my identity as a child of God, a friend of Christ!
Random Thoughts… Finding God in the silence
We had a day of silence this week. I loved it. 24hours, no talking, no iPod, no distractions, just me and God. (Yes, Dad, no kidding, I did not talk for 24 hours ☺)
While I was at Alabanza last month, I was blessed to be able to sit with the Lord, a lot. He started to speak to me in a new way, through very vivid spiritual visions and illumination of scripture. I am reading the Bible, and it is like I am reading it for the first time. During my inner-healing time with Dini – the Holy Spirit re-wrote my life for me, I saw it not with eyes that see into what is seen, but with my heart that was focused on the unseen, the eternal! My eyes were opened to an intimacy with Jesus that was new for me. And one that I now cherish. Worship is an entirely new experience for me. I have found the mystery of contemplative prayer.
So as I sat in silence yesterday, I waited… and waited… and waited. I found myself asking, “God, where are you?” I wanted, and expected, the big visions that I had enjoyed a few weeks before. “God what do you want to show me, I am hear, I am listing” But, nothing, only silence. “God, am I doing something wrong, have I lost your favor, show me what to repent of.” Still, nothing, just silence. So I sat, for a few minutes, then an hour, then a few more hours. Still, silence. Slowly, a peace came over me, true rest. My body began to mold into the earth below me as I lay in the grass under the sun. I could hear children laughing next door. As I sat and rested, embracing the silence the distractions around me began to fade. Then I could hear the birds singing. The trees dancing. Slowly, I could hear the sound of the wind moving around me… and then, that is when I heard it,
I heard the silence! The sound between the sounds. Stop for a moment, can you hear it… listen. Silence is the sound between the sounds. It is ever present, ever speaking, and ever listening. A gentle whisper, “Kelly, I am in it all, the earth below you, the sun above you, the children near you, the wind around you… and yes, even here, I am in the silence… Kelly,
I AM the silence!”
I was convicted in that moment to stop praying in the same way, “God, will you come, God will you meet me here, God will you show me something, anything, God where are you?” God was there, he is always there, he simply IS. I turned prayer into praise. “Father God, thank you”… a simple prayer, “thank you.”
I am learning that true Christianity, following Jesus, seeking God with all you heart is not about learning more. It is not about doing more. In fact, I have to unlearn a few things! It is about “seeing”… Fixing our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen! Seeing God in the silence, realizing that God IS the silence.
He IS everything, our all-in-all! And that’s all, and it is everything, when we “see” the rest follows. Author Richard Rohr says, “You don’t need to push the river, because you are in it!” I don’t have to wait for God to show up in some big vision, although He may choose to do that and I love it, but I can also “see’ God in the silence, in everything, HE is my river, and I get to enjoy the ride!
