So although I tried my hardest to get caught up on my blogs at debrief in South Africa, unfortunately there are a few things I was unable to get to. But there are a few experiences that I really want to share with you, so I hope that you will be patient with me as I rewind a little bit…
After we left Malawi at the beginning of January, we stopped in Beira, Mozambique before we headed to South Africa for debrief. Our ministry was to work with an amazing woman named Mama Rita. Mama Rita is a widow (her husband was murdered several years ago), and she is also a mother to around 30 children- 8 of which are her biological children, and then another 23 or so who she has adopted as her own. We moved in with Mama Rita for about two weeks to help her in her ministry.
While it was amazing to get to know Mama Rita and love on her children, I’ll be honest with you- this was definitely the hardest stop on the race for me so far. Many of the places we have stayed on the race have not been overly comfortable, but this was by far the most challenging. It was amazingly hot, all the time, and the concrete house we stayed in did not really allow for any breeze. There were more flies and mosquitoes than I have every experienced in my life, and the house was infested with rats that would run all over us at night. (A few other girls and I actually set up a tent inside to avoid the rats, but unfortunately I think this added to the heat- you win some, you lose some). Our bathroom was an outhouse outside, and it was very difficult to take a shower. (which basically means- we didn’t shower…)
Now, I am not telling you this so that you will feel sorry for us or anything like that. I am sharing this with you, because I believe that God used this experience to begin a work in me that He is still working in me today- humility. I am not going to lie- I was not happy at Mama Rita’s. Honestly, I was pretty miserable. I was hot and I was dirty and I was tired and I just wanted to leave. I didn’t feel close to God, I just felt frustrated. But the one constant message that God has whispered in my ear this whole trip is “It’s not about you.” But it has taken me a while to understand what that really means. (I’m still figuring it out).
Sometimes I get frustrated because I know God says it’s not about me, but it seems inevitable that it is going to be about me to some degree. I mean, humans are selfish by nature, right? But I think God has slowly been revealing to me what true humility is. I have always sort of thought that to be humble means you have to have a low opinion of yourself and give up everything that you really want. I don’t think that’s true. Humility simply means that it’s not about you- it’s about God- and that has been one of the most freeing realizations for me.
I have been reading John Piper’s “Don’t Waste Your LIfe” and it has been bringing me a lot of clarity on this issue. I think I am starting to understand what he means when he says “God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him.” When we begin to realize that our only true satisfaction, our only true hope and joy, comes from Christ, then I think we start to understand true humility. It means dying to sin and our selfish nature and pride and everything that separates us from Christ, so that we are trul y satisfied in HIm. When we find our joy in Christ alone, He is truly glorified in us. And sometimes this happens through hard times or suffering (not to say that I was suffering, because I know I wasn’t). But any hard experience that God puts in our path to teach us to be satisfied in Him is a mercy. John Piper calls it a severe mercy.
I can’t say that I learned this lesson at Mama Rita’s. I actually think I probably failed the test. But I am learning the lesson now. And I am beginning to understand that every hard experience I have gone through on this trip has been a gift from God to teach me to be satisfied in Him. Because even in the hard times, God is always there. He is always working. He is always inviting us to experience more of Him. To see him in every person we meet- in every orphan and widow who are filled with joy, although they constantly live in what seem like unbearable conditions. There is always beauty. Sometimes we just don’t see it.
