Processing. That's what I've been doing all month. We had debrief when we first arrived in Honduras and since then I've been in process mode. Debrief is a time where all 40 people of the squad get together and 'debrief' over the last two months and Coaches come in from the states to help with this and to push you further in your own personal journey.
I've been processing our ministry from the last two months, living in community and all my other crap that I have. Deep processing is something that I don't enjoy doing. It's hard, I cry and it makes me cranky. A while ago a great woman told me in my life that I need to start enjoying my process, that it's just like any other trip-it's not the destination it's the journey. Earlier this month if someone had told me that, I probably would have punched them. Literally.
So back to all that crap that I've been going through-it's really not all that bad, it's actually some really wonderful things. I'm learning what it looks like to fully trust God, and His promises for me. I'm learning that as a full grown independent woman, I need to allow only God to protect me and stop putting up walls and putting on a facade so that I won't get hurt if circumstances or people let me down. And I'm learning to rest, and that operating from that resting place I am more impactful to the people around me. Once I sucked it up and started working through some of these issues, things really started to clear up. It's been freeing and I'm at a deeper place of understanding than I was before all this. It's just the pre-understanding that truly angers me. You know that place where you still don't understand why you are feeling the way you are, or more importantly for me why oh why am I dealing with this AGAIN. That part just irks me. But it's all worth it, and if you truly know me, you would know that I just need to whine a bit, and then I'll get down to the nitty gritty. 🙂
Well, this is short and sweet and just to let you guys know a little bit of what's been going on in my head and heart.
