These past four weeks have been so good for me. I finally feel at home in a ministry and my
giftings are being put to good use.
Africa was an adventure and I learned so much there, but here is where I
feel at home. This is interesting
considering that I came into the race expecting to have that heart connection
solely with Africa. But the Lord works in
ways that are beyond our understanding and He moves our desires. He knows not only the desires of our hearts,
but the heart of our desires as well.
And my heart has been moved so much this month.
I have had a few opportunities to do some home visits with
some of the Filipino social workers and it has provided some great insight into
international social work. It has been
such good experience for me so far and I can’t wait to continue being as
involved as I can. I may be able to
start doing some home visits involving some of the girls who attend our weekly
study, and that would definitely help me to gain more knowledge about this
culture and also the home environment that my girls come from.
I am working at the Jaz home primarily, spending time with the
26 Filipino girls that live there. I am
there at least once a day for a couple hours, and have also had the opportunity
to spend a few over-nighters there (which are my favorite; I feel like a mama J). I help the girls with homework, help run a
bible study, read to them, make jewelry etc… .
There are quite a few characters in the house as well, so it always
makes my time at the house totally unpredictable and hilarious. I have connected especially with two girls
and am looking forward to fostering these relationships. These girls are all so sweet and
beautiful. While their blunt honesty
about our physical qualities may make us cringe at times, their remarks about
“being perfect just the way the Lord made you� always makes up for it. I had a little girls tell me she loved the
way I said “I love you� and it was one of the purest compliments I have ever
received.
I still have my moments though. A few days ago I was sitting at the JAZ home,
watching a movie with the girls and it hit me all of a sudden; there is a reason these girls are here. It isn’t like a group of friends got together
to hang out for the day and have a sleepover at night.
There is a reason
these girls aren’t at home.
All of these girls have families. Unfortunately living with them could and has
provided intensely unsafe environments for these girls. Majority of these girls have witnessed/been
part of unspeakable things. They are
just little girls, but they have seen darker parts of this world than I’m
guessing majority of us ever will. It
breaks my heart. As I was praying with
them before they fell asleep, I had to choke back tears, realizing the weight
that these darlings must carry in their heart.
This makes me angry.
I could punch something.
I sat with the Lord the other night and had some choice
words for Him about it. I started
crying, and as tears were streaming down my face, it started to pour
outside. In that moment, I heard the
Lord tell me “Kelly, I weep for them too�. I saw Jesus’ face, and tears were rolling
down His cheeks. But He was also
smiling. In that moment, I saw His
heart. God is good and He knows that His
plan is good. He was smiling because
ultimately the love He has for us will cover all the pain we have. His will is perfect. But that doesn’t mean He doesn’t grieve in
the moments where His children are hurting.
It pains Him more than it could ever pain us. He does
weep for us.
A few days after I had the thought of “there is a reason
these girls are here�, I had that thought again, but this time my
interpretation of it was a bit different.
There is a reason these girls have been saved from the darkness of their
homes. There is a reason they have been
placed in a loving environment, being taught what true love from a Father looks
like. There is a reason the Lord is
redeeming them and healing the pain they carry in their heart.
One of the girls I have grown especially close to, Nica, was
sharing with me a bit about her past the other day. It was awful; completely heartbreaking. But this sweet girl, at the age of 16, had
the strength and humility to say “God is so nice. He has changed my life; He has taken my fear
away�. There is a light in her eyes that
can honestly only come from the Lord.
She knows she has a Father in heaven who cherishes her. Nica’s grace astonishes me. Another one of the girls, who I’m going to
call Noble Lady, has wisdom and an understanding to life far past her age of
14. She was telling me the other day
that she feels a lot of what she has gone through in life has made her stronger
and that the Lord has built her up into a noble woman who can understand
situations well because she has gone through so much. She has let the Lord redeem her. She truly is so in love with Jesus and is so
excited to keep growing and learning. Her wisdom blows me away.
Less surprisingly,
most of the girls are not at this point yet.
They still have a lot of healing to do.
I desrie so much for them to find healing and to have restoration in
their life. Luckily I know their Father
wants the same thing.
