Since we’ve been in Mindanao, we’ve spent a lot of time exploring options for our ministry here. There’s always construction to do on the new Children’s Home. There are 8 kids in the current home starving for love and attention. There’s a great church in town that is excited about us jumping in and working with them. And our days are ours to schedule. We could begin at the Children’s Home as early as 6 am and work well into the evening if we want to. And to be honest, it’s been really hard to figure out what it means to “do” ministry. I want to default to the practical questions. How many hours a day should we work? What constitutes work? Do we need to sweat away in the hot sun moving buckets of dirt? Is it enough to just be present at the Children’s home? Does going into town count? I want there to be a formula for this so I know if I’m doing it right.
And yet, I know that’s not how it works. But if I don’t know whether or not I’m doing it right, how can I feel good about myself and what I’ve accomplished? How can I feel justified taking time off if I’m not sure I’ve done anything to begin with? Hmmm…maybe that’s the point. This year isn’t about feeling good about myself or what I’ve accomplished. It’s not about saying to the Lord, “See what I’ve done for you?”
But that’s how we operate. That’s how I operate. I like things to be neat and clearly defined. But that’s not how God operates. Following Him is dangerous, ministry is messy, living our lives this way will wreck us. And oh how I long to be in that place. Being so in tune with what the Lord is doing that my life is simply ministry. That I don’t feel the need to ask those questions because I don’t care about the answers.
So this month, I am learning. This month I am practicing. Yesterday I went to the hospital to sing over the patients and pray for them. Then I went to choir practice because I joined their church choir for the next couple of weeks. I’m helping out with the youth group on Friday night. We’re running the orphanage for 3 days at the end of our stay so that the staff can have a retreat. I can’t really tell you what I’ll be doing Thursday morning or what schedule we’re following. I don’t even really know when my next day off will be or when I’ll get to the internet so I can post this. But this is my life. This is my ministry. Simply following the Lord each day and letting that be enough. Because my prayer is that this place truly becomes my home. That when I leave here in 2ish weeks, I’m leaving a piece of my heart here. I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way.
And so, for now, that is enough.
