It’s been a week since I moved away from the city that I called my home for the past 6 years to return to what was my home for my first 18 years. I expected the transition to be easy and comfortable, that I would slip back in like I hadn’t missed a step. Though the thing is I have missed 6 years worth of steps. I have spent them walking in a completely different city becoming a new person, and now I am back wondering how I can fit my new self into an old mold.
The old mold isn’t a bad one, it’s one that’s easy to fall back into, one all familiar faces here remember me by, but a reflection of a former self. It’s hard to be a new person around old places and friends. So it’s time to do a way with trying to put myself in an old mold or even make a new one. I have discovered that I am ever growing and should not put those limits on myself (the picture of me busting through a brick wall yelling, “HI-YAA!” is a good visual representation of how I feel).
Gainesville is where I graduated from college and where I became an adult.
It’s where I came to the realization that I needed to be serious about my faith and of what it meant to follow Jesus without abandon by witnessing other people do just that.
Its where I joined a sorority (didn’t see that one coming) and helped start a Greek ministry.
Where I worked in a hospital and realized my dreams were not what I thought they were.
It’s where I still lived out my glory days by playing intramural sports and could run stadiums under giant jumbotrons and national title signs.
I found what real community looked like, and I made solid friendships that saw me through depression and also were willing to adventure to whatever crazy place I had most recently discovered.
Gainesville gave me my people and gave me a place to come home to.
Over the past month I set out to say goodbye to the city. I made sure that I went to all of my favorite restaurants, nature spots, and hole-in-the-walls that I’ve discovered during my time there, and more importantly, saw all of my favorite people. For nostalgia’s sake I even gave it a name: KA’s Gainesville Goodbye Tour.
It’s good to have something and someones so hard to say goodbye to. More importantly something so wonderful to look forward to. I’ve spent much of the past month reminiscing about the life and community I had built over the years, and I have been fearful of what was to come next for me. By now I was supposed to have started grad school and been moving forward in a career. However, per usual, God’s plan was not my plan. Hence, my move back to Jacksonville and then my move to Serbia in September and the other 10 countries that will follow over the next year, and then the unknown to come after that.
KA’s Gainesville Goodbye Tour sadly came to an end and I said a prayer to keep the cops away as I got into my car packed so tightly that I could only see out the front windshield. As I was driving away for the last time, and could barely see through the tears and snot coming out of me, I couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite stories in scripture, Esther’s.
“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Esther 4:14
Esther was anointed to an actual kingdom to serve, love, and ultimately save, but she had to step up to the plate in order to hit the home run. Mordecai’s words so clearly echo my thoughts about moving on. We all have kingdoms that we were anointed to. Most of our kingdoms do not consist of us having royal titles but they are exactly where we are placed for such a time as this. Gainesville was, for a time, my kingdom, and I hope that I loved and served well there. Jacksonville is my current kingdom and then where ever I call home and take steps in after will be my next one.
So, Lord, I’m ready to move some mountains and bust through more brick walls in whatever kingdom you have me in for this time.
