To buy the dress or not to buy the dress: That is the question.
I’ve had the urge to try on dresses all month long. On the race I get to wear anywhere from dad’s old t-shirts to someone else’s pants I picked up in Nepal. Needless to say, I often look in the mirror and don’t even bother brushing my hair for the day. Most girls would say this is a huge struggle for them on the race, but reality is, I dress like this in the states… at least very similar. It’s normal for me not to wear fine jewelry or make-up. I rarely fix my hair in the mornings and you’ll probably find me in jeans and a t-shirt.
But this past month I’ve wanted desperately, to try on a pretty dress. Just try it on. Know it fits. Maybe spin around in it once or twice. And maybe, just maybe, if I fell in love with it…I would buy it.
That is until that dress costs $30! I can do a lot with $30. I can sponsor a girl who is coming out of the bars. I could sponsor a little boy who was beaten by his father and removed from the house by social services. I could feed a hungry family whose income is less than $2 a day.
Suddenly the dress of my dreams seemed a little too costly. I looked and felt amazing in that dress. My Daddy is the King of Kings and for once in a long time I felt like His little princess. All I wanted was a pretty dress. I knew I wouldn’t have many opportunities to wear it…ever. I live in the middle of Podunk, Tennessee where we jump in rivers on the weekends and lounge in our pj’s when friends come over.
I don’t live a lifestyle of glamour and glitz. But is it so wrong to want to feel pretty? Now you can give me all sorts of Christian clichés about beauty being on the inside and God looks at the heart and yada yada yada. But let’s be realistic, it’s not a crime to want to look and feel beautiful on the outside!!
It’s not vanity, it’s not insecurity, it’s not sinful and it’s not wrong. It’s called being a woman, being a lady, being a princess.
In India, I got the chance to sit outside in the dirt with 20 something kids who were piling up to have their fingernails painted. They said the colors were pretty and they wanted to be pretty too. To me these kids were beautiful! Sure, they were missing their teeth and had lice and dirt covering their bodies. There is no telling when they showered last! But, I looked down at their smiles, saw their love for life and the dreams they had and wanted nothing more than to adorn them in fingernail polish and so much more!
I can’t help but think when God looked down at me covered in my sin and guilt and shame, He only sees a little girl who dances when He comes near to her and she reaches up to her Father who stretches down to His dirty child and wants nothing more than to adorn her in his riches, glory, and grace.
It’s not the beauty I want but the magic, wonder, and love that comes from He who makes me beautiful. I don’t feel guilty about wanting that dress or desiring to be beautiful on the outside, I think that’s completely to be expected. I don’t abuse this desire either. There is a certain unhealthiness that people often entertain such as eating disorders or vanity or self pity, but those aren’t the things I’m motivated by. I’m motivated by the very creator of beauty himself! Our Father who is beautiful makes us to desire beauty! Because in that beauty, we desire Him!
I ended up not buying the dress. For multiple reasons I decided to wait for the next opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, it was a masterpiece well fitted just for me. But I also know when the time comes that this Cinderella is invited to the ball, her Father will provide her the most elegant dress she has ever laid eyes on. And since no ball is in her near future…Cinderella is patiently going to wait another day.
