Wow, it’s been a while. Too long actually…since I tried to collect my thoughts and put them into words for a blog.
In case you lost track…we are about to enter the month of July and it has officially been about six months since I stepped off the plane onto US soil for the first time in 11 months.
In the spirit of being vulnerable, I’m going to start this blog by sharing a vision I received from one of my squadmates back in January when we attended Project searchlight [a post-race conference where everyone comes back together to reflect on our experiences. It is a time of worship, a time of prayer and a time of praise]. Throughout our year on the race this friend would often get words or visions for me, all of which until now have been kept hidden in my journals, used for personal reflection and prayer. I am not typically one to make something so intimate, so public…however this particular image speaks directly to the journey the Lord has taken me on since being home.
“I saw you as a bride. You were shopping for your wedding dress. You had all of your friends and family with you, and you looked stunning in every dress. All of them! But for some reason there was always something that held you back. Some reservation you had that made you feel like it wasn’t right. Some small voice in your head telling you to wait. You could tell your friends and family were getting tired, frustrated, they just wanted you to pick one.”
Now if you know me…you know that I am very much single and therefore it’s quite obvious that this a metaphor for something completely unrelated to marriage [although I can’t say that I wasn’t somewhat hoping God was about to tell me about an impending wedding for yours truly…If only it worked like that…]
She then proceeded to whisper, “Is there something right now making you feel pressure to make a decision? Whatever it may be, I think God is telling you to trust that small voice telling you to wait. Against all the pressures of the world”
In the first couple of weeks of being home I applied to countless jobs, fully aware that this was not something the Lord was asking me to do but nonetheless feeling like it was what I was “supposed” to do…and of course to no avail. I was constantly wrestling between resting in peace and being driven by fear, too often second-guessing the dreams and desires God has placed on my heart. So…I think it’s safe to say that being home has not been easy. Far from it actually. There’s not a day that passes where I don’t miss the giggles from the kiddos in Africa, the everlasting smiles of our friends in Cambodia, the eager eyes of village people yearning for something more, the joys of simplicity, the breathtaking views around every corner, the constant adventure. If there’s one thing the past year taught me is that there’s more to life than being comfortable. In fact the coolest lessons are often learned from experiences that are not comfortable at all. The “comforts” of home have hardly left me feeling comfortable. Yet through it all, I have felt an overwhelming sense of peace. As I listened to that small voice, I began to see closed doors as answered prayers rather than disappointments.
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You”
Isaiah 26:3
“Confused ideas are untangled while you rest in the simplicity of my peace”
Jesus Calling
With that being said, the most frequently asked question since being home [second to questions about my year on the World Race] is, “So…what’s next?”. And ironically enough one of the biggest struggles since being home has been not drowning in the pressures of society and Satan telling me I need to get a job, I need to make money, I need to get married, I need to be “successful”. Having to constantly answer friends and family with a big fat “I don’t know…” is uncomfortable and exhausting. Every human part of me wants to be the girl that has it all together, who has it figured out, who at least has some idea of what the future looks like.
However, the truth is that not knowing what tomorrow holds [let alone the future] is actually the very thing keeping me focused on Him day in and day out. The only thing that has been impeccably clear since returning home is that I am not meant to live a life in and of this world. The things in life I used to think I wanted no longer seem satisfying or fulfilling. Success, money, comfort…these are all things that at the end of the day leave you feeling empty. I want to live the rest of my life chasing after God and chasing after the dreams He has placed on my heart. Dreams of loving the fatherless, caring for His children, and of using my gifts and talents for the purpose of building the Kingdom. The map has not been rolled out before me, but I do know where the arrow points.
WITH THAT… I am excited to say the next step in this journey has been revealed, and I will be attending G42 Leadership Academy this coming January!
G42 is a six-month discipleship program located in Mijas, Spain. While a little hard to explain because even I am not 100 percent sure what to expect, I am certain that it’s where God is leading me. It will be six months of exploring what the Lord has planted in my heart and watching as it grows into something beyond my wildest dreams. Six months of the Lord revealing how He wants to use me and use my life to impact the Kingdom. Six months of reflecting on everything I learned throughout my year on the World Race. Six months of discipleship with incredible men and women of God. Six months of living in deep, intense community. Six months of serving others. And most importantly six months of growing closer to Him. All of which lead to a lifetime of serving others and serving God.
In order to attend G42 I have to raise about 8,000 dollars. This money will go towards my tuition, flight, and everyday living necessities while I am there. While this is somewhat of an intimidating number, it’s nothing I haven’t seen the Lord do before! Right okayyyyy I know I sound like an eternal optimist. And actually if I’m being completely honest, fundraising is one of the biggest reasons it took me five months too long to agree to apply for G42. The thought process being that I already raised a huge amount of money for the World Race and there is no way I could ask people for their monetary support a second time. But where the Lord guides, He provides. So in obedience and faith I am going to step out and do just that.
To raise these funds I have decided to put to use the talents, passions, abilities and ideas that God has given me over the years- a small beginning to a big dream! I am going to be refurbishing furniture, making pillows, and utilizing whatever other crazy ideas that come to mind. I am still working on coming up with a name for an instagram account to post these endeavors [indecisiveness is something I’m still working on]…so be on the lookout for that! At the same time I would love it if you would prayerfully consider partnering with me on this new adventure whether that be financially, through prayer, or both. I know God is going to do great things! If this is something you are interested in, donations can be made through the following link www.g42leadershipacademy.org/donate.
ONE MORE [IMPORTANT] THING!
Unfortunately there was just no possible way for me to fit all of my stories and thoughts into one blog without it getting obnoxiously long. SO, if you would like to hear more about the WR, G42, or the passions the Lord has revealed to me over the past year and a half…PLEASE message me!! Nothing brings me more joy than getting to share my experiences with others and also hear about what God is doing in your lives.
All the love,
Kelley
