Why have I been avoiding writing a blog like it’s the plague? Is it because if I do, ill be admitting to myself that this is really happening? Is it because I’m fearful of being judged? Or because it puts all of my feeling and emotions on display for the world to see?
From the moment I decided to apply for the World Race, I didn’t know what exactly to expect but I DID know that sharing my feelings and making myself vulnerable would be a huge part of this experience. AND as one of my very special best friends reminded me…these words are some that I will want to look back and reflect upon in the years to come.
I am at a place right now, where I am confident that this is what I am being called to do and God continuously reminds me of this through song, scripture, and sermons. I meannn really. Day after day I wake up saying “Lord, please show me that I am right where you want me to be”, and low and behold the service that morning is about **taking up your cross and going where Jesus calls you to go, even if that might entail stepping out of your comfort zone. So why do I continue to question this calling? Well for one, Satan is great at spinning thoughts into doubts. In the months since I was accepted, I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. Obviously I’ve been overwhelmed with feelings of excitement, but I’ve also struggled with feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, and inferiority. That I am not prepared enough for what is about to happen (spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc). When the reality is, IM NOT. And then again, IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. I stumbled upon a phrase [most likely just after one of my insecure moments when I asked the lord to give me a sign] that read, “The Lord does not call the equipped, He equips the ones he calls”. Gosh does this not speak so much truth! Because while I may be slightly awful at memorizing scripture, I may get anxiety at the thought of potentially having to preach a sermon to a crowd of people, I may be afraid of leaving behind everything I know for an entire year, I may be seriously afraid of cockroaches, and incapable of pooping in public bathrooms, I DO KNOW that I can love people, and that Jesus loves me and will prepare me for whatever is to come over the course of the next year. SO with that, I am beyond excited to see what the Lord has in store, and see how he is going to break me for the good of his kingdom and use me in ways I never thought possible.
So friends, I would LOVE it if you would accompany me on this crazy journey. I ask that you prayerfully consider donating to my page and take part in spreading the Kingdom of God across the world. Those who have already given [Thank you so much!] and those who have been praying and continue to pray for me and my team, know that you are already a huge part of this story because without you none of this would be possible.
**”Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it'”
Mark 8:34-35
