Welp, the packing process/chaos is officially underway and the World Race is just NINE days away. In the last 24 hours alone I have felt the full spectrum of emotion, from overwhelming excitement to crushing dread. My sleep is interrupted by thoughts of ,"Oh crap, I totally forgot to put (insert really really important thing here) on my packing list", followed by me hopping out of bed to make sure I write it down.
Seriously, I'm up at 5am on a Sunday for absolutely no reason. This is insanity.
And I totally freakin' love it, you guys. My last blog was written about my nervousness, my hesitations, and my uncertainness about this whole thing. I feel like in just the past few days I have been able to finally step out of that and, at long last, be excited about this ridiculous thing I'm about to do. I needed that time to be nervous, to be hesitant, and to be uncertain, because I believe God used it to show me the root of it all, which were some of my prejudices that needed to dropped and some expectations that needed to be lowered or completely done away with. I think I have still got quite a bit of work to do in both of these areas, but at least the process has begun, and at least I was able to identify where most of the nervousness came from and that most (if not all) of it was being internally fabricated by yours truly.
Now, the enjoyment can begin. I can say that I am excited for what this year has in store for me, and I can say it unironically and without cringing! My life, after so many years of utter confusion, depression, and heartache, is about to begin the process of becoming something so much better and so much bigger. If that's not rad, well then I just don't know what is.
I was on my way home last night after the last of the family Christmas gatherings (at which I ate far too many meatballs) and some lady was on the radio talking about…something. I honestly wasn't really listening. But she did say something that caught my attention, and it was this: "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become…so I became that woman."
Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I have trouble making plans for the future–whether they be about a career, marriage, a family, or otherwise. I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. But I've always known who I wanted to be when I grow up, and I suppose that's far more important. I wholeheartedly believe that going on the World Race is the first and most vital step in making sure that I become the woman that I've always known I could be and the woman God has always intended me to be.
So, you know, that's cool.
-Kelley
