So, as I mentioned in my last post, I just moved.
I am now living in a community house with 9 people, all of whom I really enjoy and respect and love. I spent my first two years in Minneapolis living very reclusively, so this is a welcome and healthy change. In the months leading up to the Race, the last thing I need is to deal with my struggles and rejoice in my triumphs alone. Living with people who are actively invested in my life and in my spiritual well-being is going to be vital in these next months. I am so grateful for it. Seriously; Praise God.
Tonight we had our community meal, which happens every Wednesday. A couple of my housemates prepared delicious pancakes (Brinner is my favorite) and we ate and conversed and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. That in itself is not something I have experienced in my own home in awhile. What a simple but beautiful thing it is, to live in a place where fellowship happens.
After the meal came the Bible study, during which we talked about 1st Corinthians 2:1-5, where Paul is speaking to the Corinthians about the way in which he spoke to them, saying he did not use "lofty words" and "impressive wisdom" to tell of God's plan. He did not come with eloquence and perfect speech, but came in weakness, "timid and trembling". "For I decided that while I was with you, I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified."
This is a passage I have ruminated on a lot in the past, having found myself in many situations with many different types of people who don't believe in what I believe and are often very critical of those beliefs. I am thankful for these people, because they have challenged me and loved me despite our different philosophies, but I have had a constant struggle to try and help them understand what I am saying and where I'm coming from–to try and remove the critical lense from their eyes, at least partially. Many of them are very scientifically minded, and so that is the angle I try to come at when in conversation with them. The fact is, though, that they are much more knowledgable about these things than I am, and have taught me far more about biology, physics, and the universe than I will ever be able to teach them. And again, I am grateful for that. I do not believe that science and spirituality/the belief in one true God are mutually exclusive. However, scientific conversation is not where my strengths lie, and I will never, ever be able to explain the deep mysteries of the universe. That's not what I'm called to do. I am called to share the love of Christ. I know my fair share of things and have my fair share of thoughts on the subject of the origin of the universe, evolution, and where that all fits in with Christianity, but have never been skilled at articulating them well. There certainly are people in this world (the kind who have advanced degrees in Divinity and Physics) who are called to have those tough conversations and debates. These are people who God can, does, and will use…but I am not one of them. So over the last few months, I have stopped trying. I have let go of trying to be eloquent. I have stopped trying to use lofty and impressive words. I have stopped trying to impart wisdom on people that I simply do not have. I have started trying to follow Paul's example to the best of my ability.
The best I can offer to these folks is the knowledge of Christ and what he did. As Paul did, I have decided to know nothing but that. I can go to them, timid and trembling (which is the state I will likely be in), and simply share the love of Christ and the truth I have seen revealed in my life. It is likely to sound foolish, and they will either receive it or they won't…but once they have heard it; it is not my job to force them into anything. I have absolutely no interest in that. What I am interested in, however, is loving them genuinely, honestly, and faithfully. I am interested in serving them and meeting them where they are at and growing real friendships without the pretense of trying to convert them. Any change in heart will not come about because of me, anyway. While Paul did not compromise anything while on his travels, he also knew how to be sensitive to the cultures he was in and learned very well how to adequately adapt to them. My hope is to emulate that, as humbly and effectively as I can.
Not only does this passage shed a lot of light on the way I should react to situations here at home; it does the same for many situations in which we will find ourselves while on the Race. I can guarantee you that I am going to find myself in uncomfortable situations that will leave me timid and trembling more often than not, but will have to rely on the power of God and the beauty of truth to surpass that and to effect people in ways that I do not even understand, or have much control over. My job is not to impress anyone into belief. My job is not to tell people they're doing it wrong, culturally or spiritually. My job is to speak the truth that I know and to do it with the deepest and truest love I can muster. What happens after that is up to God…and not in a "GOD'LL TAKE CARE A' THAT DIRTY OL' SINNER ALRIGHT, YEEHOO!" sort of way, but in a "God is going to love and guide that that person in a way that I cannot, and praise him for that" sort of way.
Anyway, that's all. I am always afraid of these longer posts being totally incoherent, so I apologize if it is.
-Kelley
