Two times on this Race I resolved that I was going to go home. Once was at the end of month 7 in Cambodia and the other was about a week ago here in the Philippines.
It wasn’t because I wanted to go home. It wasn’t because it was too hot in the village we were living in Cambodia and the one rotating fan that three of us were sharing wasn’t cutting it. It wasn’t because the well water we showered with wasn’t the cleanest and had crabs in it. It wasn’t because I could no longer deal with squatty potties. It wasn’t because of the constant slew of ants that always seem to find whatever crumb of food that wasn’t cleaned up. It wasn’t because the kids we lived with at the orphanage in the Philippines had lice. It wasn’t because one of the kids that had really stolen my heart within the first couple of days decided to leave and go home seemingly out of the blue to Lord knows what type of situation. It wasn’t because the electricity was constantly cutting out or because there was a security alert issued about the volcano in the area about the possibility of eruption. No, none of these things could or would scare me away from the Race. I had resolved to go because I was certain that I would not meet the financial deadlines set before me that would allow me to stay on the Race.
Our last financial deadline was suppose to be July 1st, where everyone on my squad was suppose to have all the funds required to participate in the World Race. All the stresses and headache that came with fundraising were suppose to be over by then. No matter what my fundraising struggle was like prior to that date, by July 1 at least it all had to be over. Or else I would be going home. It was suppose to be that simple….
But July 1 came and there were several people who did not meet this deadline, and we were all given extended deadlines. My first extended deadline of August 1 quickly came, and I was over $1,000 away from it. I was 100% certain that come August 1, a plane ticket would be bought for me to fly back to the states. August 1st came, and I found out that an anonymous donor had helped me meet my August 1st deadline. Phew. At least I had another month on the Race before possibly going home. But as the month of August came to and end, and September 1 came and went, as did my second deadline extension and still being $600 away from it and $2500 away from being fully funded, I was unsure of what would happen.
About 2 weeks into September I received an email from my squad mentor giving me yet another and final deadline extension. I looked at the email and in that moment again accepted the defeat that I could not meet the deadlines and no longer wanted to make the effort. I was tired of praying about it, tired of asking, tired of fasting, tired of having faith for it. For the second time I accepted the defeat that I would be going home. I even shared this with my team. As my squad would travel to Africa for the final two months of the Race, I would most likely be going back to the States.
But I realized in accepting defeat in this and choosing to no longer have faith for it, it became bigger than just about the fundraising. By not believing in God to continue to provide my financial needs for the Race, it was opening the door for me to doubt in other areas. As I read over a prayer list that I wrote up a month prior, I realized that many of the things on there I was doubting God for. I knew that I could not stay in that place. I knew that I could not give up on fundraising and I could not give up on believing in God for any the things on my list. He’s brought me so far from where I started when I first started fundraising, and as the song goes, “I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me”. So then I resolved that I could not and would not give up fundraising and having faith that I would finish out the remainder of the Race.
Three days after making this decision that I was not going to give up, I am proud to announce that I am FULLY FUNDED. I thank God for His continued faithfulness and provision. I thank everyone who has prayed for me, supported me, followed me, and encourage me. I thank God for continuing to stretch me in this, though if I’m honest, if given the choice, I’d have had it a different way. Finally though, after 9 months of the Race and almost a year of fundraising, I am done!
I just can’t give up now. Come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me the road would be easy and I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me.
