We are in Costa Rica right now having debrief for our first four months of the World Race. We are just about done with our time here in Central America, as we begin our journey to Thailand on Tuesday. We have an extended layover in Los Angeles where we will be spending the night. Then we board a plane to Malaysia on Wednesday, April 1st for a 21 hour flight!
With our time in Central America coming to a close and going into month 5, there are a lot of changes happening. We will have a new, vastly different continent for the next 5 months. New squad leaders are being “raised up”, which means our alumni squad leaders, who have already done the world race, will be leaving soon. Along with new squad leaders, there will also be team changes. We are not sure how drastic team changes will be and we don’t find out until tomorrow morning what our new teams will be. With team changes being so close, I’ve been experiencing a flood of emotions.
Team changes is something my team hasn’t necessarily talked much about, and it wasn’t until this past month in Costa Rica when we worked and stayed with two other teams where the topic came up a lot. Even though people would talk about it and I knew it was likely a possibility, I didn’t really give it too much thought. I think I was in sort of a denial, or maybe a hope that our team wouldn’t change too drastically. When we were at training camp, our squad mentor told us that he would never change teams just for the sake of changing teams, that there would have to be an actual reason and value behind it. I’ve been holding onto to these words since the day he spoke them. But as I am here at debrief, with conversations of team changes more and more prevalent, it almost seems like every team except my own is okay and ready for it. Yesterday when we had our team debrief with our squad leaders, squad coaches, and squad mentors, and we were asked how we felt about team changes, I responded that I wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but I did not feel like there was anybody on the squad that I felt like I would dread being on a team with. But truth is, I’m not ready. I don’t want my team to change. I don’t want us to go our separate ways. I feel like we have come so far as a team, but I feel like we also still have such a ways to go. I fear losing relationships. I fear being replaced. I fear having to start over with a new team. I feel like there is too much change taking place at once and I don’t like it! It’s already hard enough having to leave each country at the end of every month and say goodbye to the people we’ve gotten to meet, and really connect well with during the month. But one of the consolations for me has been at least I still have my team. At least when my environment changes, and my living situation changes, and my ministry changes, at least my team is still constant.
What’s crazy is when I think back to training camp last October when we first found out our teams, I was extremely unsure about my team. Being an “introvert” among “extroverts”, I feared not being heard, not being able to connect, and not ever really feeling like part of the team. I thought I had gotten over those feelings after training camp as I kept in touch with my team in the months leading up to the race. But when we got to Launch in January, a lot of those feelings came flooding back. I began to question why I was going on the Race. I began to doubt that I would be a good fit in my team. I began to have serious concern and fear on how the next 11 months would look.
I’ll be quite honest, the World Race has not been a walk in the park. There have been serious challenges. Many things came up that I did not even realize were areas for potential growth. Ministry itself has been great each month and our living conditions have not been an area of major concern. What God has been stretching me in so far during the Race is relationships….community living. I liken being in a team on the race to living in a family environment, except you don’t get a break from each other by going off to work or something else. You are around each other all day every day. Although it has been challenging, I believe it definitely has also been an area of major growth for me. God has taught me and is continuing to teach me so much about how to love more and differently as the way others show/receive love may be different than the way that I do. It’s kind of scary but it’s also extremely necessary. We joke sometimes that the Race is preparing us for marriage and for having a family.
Although my team has had our ups and downs over the past four months, I’m really and truly going to miss each of them dearly. Yes I understand that we will still be on the same squad, and at the very least I’ll see them at the beginning and end of each month as we travel to the next country if our teams aren’t together for the month, but let’s be honest, it won’t be the same. I am thankful for our time together as Dependent By Faith. I’m thankful for the memories we shared together from taking salsa classes, camping out at Telica Volcano, playing cards, dance parties in the kitchen while making dinner, praying for and encouraging one another, and so much more. It has been a great four months that I would not trade for anything. And I am so thankful that God has allowed us to be together during this times.
