A little update on how I am doing being home…
I have been home for about a month now and I am doing the opposite from what I thought I would be doing. MY plan was to take two weeks to rest and adjust then to begin looking for a job, find a job, begin working, find a ministry to get involved in, get connected to a church, DO stuff!
Well God wont let me DO stuff. I have been trying, but circumstances are keeping me from volunteering, emails failing have kept me from getting my resume perfected, busy weekends and the fact that there is only one Sunday a week has made it difficult to find a church (I am really liking one though!!!), and as I sit frustrated with God telling him I am trying to figure out my purpose here he just keeps telling me to spend more time with him. It is hard to say, but sometimes I just don't want to. I want to DO stuff, not BE.
The Bible always tells us to be still and to wait on God and to rest. I think he is forcing me to do that because he keeps changing MY plans to BE with him, which isn't a bad thing. I just begin to feel like a bum and begin to care about other's expectations of me…what a load of crap, right?
Being home has been way more difficult than I thought it would be. Re-entry, as they call it, is harder than culture shock. Re-entry is like this: when you leave home you leave a place where everything fits into a puzzle, even yourself. When you take your puzzle piece on the Race it comes back changed and you don't fit into the puzzle anymore because the puzzle is just the same as you left it. So now I am learning how to take my new self and integrate it back to this place I call home without reverting back to my old self.
All of this has been tough on me while still thinking about what I have experienced on the Race and seeing so much that drives me nuts in America, but as much as it stinks to feel broken AGAIN it is so good!
Psalm 51:17
