around the mountain again

You ever have those moments when you feel like life is going perfect and then out of no where God throws you in a whirlwind that you didn't see coming? That is the place I have been in the last two weeks.

I know God wants me here living in this community and growing closer to him, but it hasn't been easy. A saying we have been using a lot in our apartment is "I'm a hot mess" and that is exactly what I have been lately.

I have spent a couple nights ugly crying, you know the kind where snot and tears are running down your  face, while two beautiful women of god just hold me and pray over me.

But in all this God is showing me so much, it is when we are broken into a million pieces like a shattered  glass that we fully depend on the Lord.

I am reminded every day that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle. Some days I wish he didn't  think so highly of me. 

But he does because he loves me and wants me to grow closer to him and not have the same lies,doubts, and fears that I have battled for so long. 

And the funny thing is you know it's God because every class you sit in and person you talk to ends up being about the same topic you are working out with God. Confirmation I would say YES!

One night i was questioning God on why i was going through the same thing over again. One of my roommates reminded me that with God we keep going around the mountain so we can go deeper into the issue and deeper into his love. 

How scary would it be if God took us right to the core of every problem right away, it would be to much He knows how to slowly wade us into the issue, like wading out into the pool for the first time. You might just start with going up to your ankles before you trust enough to dive off the diving board.

I saw a picture that night of a strong oak tree and there was a huge storm surrounding it. All the other trees would bend with the wind but this one tree stood strong. The only thing the storm brought was wind to take the dead leaves off and blow them away. Through the storm the roots of the strong oak tree grew deeper into the ground. 

Isn't that us when we are facing storms and trials that seem to be to much?

Isn't the point to get rid of the deadness that isn't providing fruit anymore?

Don't we want to grow deeper and stronger in the things of the Lord? 

Those are the reasons why the Lord allows us to sit up at night and ugly cry with our roommates. Why he continues to take us deeper into the trial we are facing.