In these final two weeks at home in the States, my eyes have been opened to the fact that I truly have a very beautiful and very blessed life.
I don’t want for anything. I have constant access to clean, running water, a community house to live in, a reliable car to take me places, the option to work, good, good health, and more love than I know what to do with.
I’ve been made even more thankful for my family – a brother who is more talented and coachable than any little boy I’ve ever known, a sister who has overcome a cancer diagnosis and epilepsy to be offered her dream job working as a Children’s Pastor at a new local church plant, another sister with a heart for missions who is now pursuing a Theology degree and also plans to do work through Adventures, and a mom, my hero and best friend, who lead and loved us through it all.
I seriously believe that I have the greatest group of friends a girl could ever ask for, so I can’t quite handle the fantasticalness of getting yet ANOTHER group of incredible people family to live with and grow alongside for the next year. (Team ETC., I’m lookin’ at you.)
There are so many things about home that I’m going to miss.
I’ll miss the writing job I would be in the process of finding. I’ll miss the car I just purchased six months ago, and will most likely be selling. I’ll miss seeing my best friend three times a week and just doing nothing at all. I’ll miss the accessibility of my people, and the beautiful life we have together.
But all of these things are necessary for me to surrender in order to pursue the dreams, places and plans God has given me for the next year.
And you know what? No guarantees, obviously, but I am very nearly certain that these same things and people will be waiting here for me when I come back home. My bed will still have sheets on it. Writing jobs will continue to exist. There will still be afternoons to waste with nothing to do. The sink will still dispense running water.
I refuse to romanticize my life up until this point, because the journey I am about to embark on is a calling that many people my age would give everything they had for a chance at.
My faith has been increased this last week SO MUCH because of the ways that we as a squad have seen God move.
I got to see two personal prophecies come to pass exactly the way God had foretold me they would.
Several of my teammates, thousands of dollars short of our second financial deadline (to have $10,000 in our support account by the 18th, or be unable to launch in September), saw people donate exactly what they needed within a 48-hour window.
A squad member in danger of not being able to launch because of personal logistical reasons saw an impossible situation granted grace, and God moved an appointment up by almost a month, allowing her also to launch.
Over and over again this month, the Holy Spirit whispers to me, “Don’t be afraid.” And I get afraid way more than I try to let on, you guys. But my anxiousness isn’t hidden from the Maker of my heart; and when I’m skipping meals and losing sleep wondering how I’m gonna make a way, He takes my burdens away from me with gentle words.
“Don’t be afraid.”
My squad-mate Stephen likes to say that God talks to him through the radio, and I thought nothing of it until God began asking for my attention in the things I see and listen to. He told me not to be afraid, and then highlighted those words all around me.
The beginning of Isaiah 41:10. The first verse in Cecelia and the Satellite when Andrew sings, “Don’t be afraid.” The pin in the glove compartment of my car from seasons past, reading “BRAVE”.
“Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be afraid, I am your God. I will make you strong and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
At this point in my life/Race, I’ve come to believe that there is nothing God cannot and will not do for His kids. That we, as sons and daughters of the Kindgom, have a divine right to ask our dad for stuff. We are seated in Heavenly places, co-heirs with Christ, and we get to knock on God’s door any time of the day or night without fear. We don’t have to be afraid.
He will move things for us. He will provide for us. He wants to do things that have no other explanation besides He did it.
He hears us. He wants to help us. He is waiting for us to ask.
Heavenly Father, you always amaze me.
Thank you for sending me.
Thank you for helping me not to be afraid.
17 days.
