To Dance

 
I have been absolutely exhausted these last few weeks.  Super exhausted… To the point that I do not want to do anything but sit.  I have shared this with many back home, and I am so thankful for your prayers and encouragements in this time.

Since becoming a squad leader, I move every 3-5ish days to a new ministry.  I travel from team to team with Thomas and Ryan to check in with them as they are doing ministry.  Well, all of this moving and pouring into the teams has finally hit me… and hit hard. 

I am not a person who watches movies too often.  I don’t do it at home, and I don’t do it on the Race.  In fact, before I left home, I put about 50 movies on a hard drive thinking I would watch them during travel and airport layovers.  Nope.  Until this month, I have only sat down alone and watched one movie from my hard drive.  This month, I have probably watched 10-15 movies… almost one every day.  I have felt too tired to do much else.

As I sat with one of the guys on our squad, Brandon, a few days ago, I started sharing with him about the discouragement I had been feeling.  Discouraged by my lack of energy and lack of desire to go out and do things.  My body is so physically drained that the things I used to do… go out into the community, meet people, play with the kids around where we live… I just can’t seem to be motivated to do anything because my body feels so weak.

I was feeling bad enough that I even went and got tested for Malaria a few days ago… Don’t worry… It came back negative.

But, within that conversation, Brandon started to direct me to the Lord.  Sometimes our physical exhaustion reflects that we have not been Spiritually filled.  Of course I knew that God had the power to give me strength… But, for some reason, I was asking for it without searching for it. 

Brandon went on to ask me what fills me up and when the last time I had felt filled by the Spirit was.  The first part… easy… Worship is what fills me.  The second part… I thought… It was quite a while ago. 

Almost a month ago when Ryan, Thomas, and I worshiped out under the stars in Uganda as we sang a song a Thomas had written back in Asia… “I will become more undignified than this.  My feet start to move and my hands I will lift…” We danced around the yard praising the Lord, singing it over and over.

A few days before that night, the three of us had been out under the beautiful, Ugandan sky… Stars everywhere.  We were doing a check-in with our field support, Noe.  I had been the first person to talk on the phone and had to move out by the road to hear Noe over the boys being crazy.  As I finished up talking and passed off the phone to Thomas, I walked over where Ryan was.  I don’t remember exactly what he said to me, but the next thing I know, I am dancing around worshiping the Lord.  Feeling so free under the beautiful stars… my favorite part of nature and creation. 

Just the other night, I was lying in bed.  I had just finished up my movie for the night.  But, instead of just shutting my computer and going to bed, I pulled up itunes and started listening to some worship.  This feeling overcame me in that moment… I wanted to head out to the living room area and dance.  I thought about it for a few minutes before closing my computer and going to bed… It was late… I have been tired and needing sleep… My body has been nothing but tired lately… I need to just get some sleep.

Then it hit.  What fills me?  Worship does and always has. 

But, dancing before the Lord, brings me such energy and joy.  Even though I am not a wonderful dancer, that is when I feel His presence the most. 

And…It fits.  That is why the last time I have felt filled was that night long ago in Uganda, when we danced under the stars.

Tonight, we were all sitting around doing our own thing.  We had worship music playing quietly.  That urge to dance came back again.  I didn’t want to just get up and dance… I felt weird doing that.  So, I got up and walked into the bedroom, where I could still hear the music… And, I began to dance. 

I decided to head back out to the common room and did a little dance on my way out.  Next thing I know… We are all up worshiping and dancing. 

Can I tell you… I am so energized right now.  So filled and joyful. 

For the first time in a long time, my body does not feel weighed down.  It feels good.  I feel good!

Now, let’s go bring Kingdom.  Only 6 weeks left and work to be done!