It was in the middle of having dinner with my Dad that it hit me. He was reading off the World Race website about my countries and the different things we will be doing in each country. There was the “casual” ministry things like construction, kids minisitry, coffee shop ministry (HELLO, pretty awesome..am I right?!)….but then he started reading off things like human trafficking, forced prostitution, sex tourism, the “untouchables”, the things that really make my heart hurt and my stomach churn.
As my Dad was reading it, tears began to form in his eyes. All the hurt, all the heartache, all the horrible things that people walk through.
Somehow I had gotten this far and not processed the fact that I will have to live in and among this for 11 months.
It almost tore me pieces right there. There I was, sitting on the verge of tears, heart broken and confused simply just by reading it. To be completely honest, I was scared. Not scared that these things would happen to me or my safety would be compromised, but scared that my heart wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Lord, how in the WORLD am I going to handle all of this?! How am I going to live with all of this in my face every single day?? How am I possibly going to walk through this?
I haven’t figured out what I will do or how I will walk through these things.
I probably won’t have any idea until I’m there but that’s okay because I will tell you what I know and what I’ve figured out…..
He’s there. And really that’s enough for anything.
He sees.
He knows.
He cares.
I know these things without a shadow of a doubt.
I know that He’s there, caring for my heart that will see these things
…and He’s also caring for theirs.
He knows them all the same. He hurts for them. He knows all of their wounds, He’s seen every abuse, and He cares for every inflicted part of their being. He knows the walls and towers they’ve created in their Hearts, He knows the soft spots and the things that bring them joy and make them laugh. He knows it all.
That’s something He showed me when I was working through this.
He showed me that really, they are His. They are under His care and His Shepherding. I have to release them from my heart into His Hands. Through all of their life, He has a perfect, beautiful, sweet way of bringing them to completion as well. He has tear-jerking ways He plans to demonstrate Himself and His beauty in them.
I trust that. I trust that He will do this. I trust that He will take the things that are full of evil and turn them into something so beautiful, something that He is so seen through.
That makes this all easier. Of course, I cannot begin to fathom the amount of pain and suffering that has been a part of their lives but I know that He has ways of doing things that shift everything in someone and in their heart so that His love can take up all the space. From the top of our head to tip of our toes. He uses it all, and He sees us through it all.
In the situations to come, whatever I may see or encounter I know He’s with me.
If I’m going, He’s going.
Because of that, I am able to have Rest and Peace in any place.
No matter the amount of pain or heartbreak, Peace is able to be maintained.
He’s always calling me to that LIVE and RESIDE in those places, to be at Rest and Peace in any given circumstance..because He is.
He has a table of Rest, where we can choose to join Him.
That’s where I belong.
In that place, yes the pain will be felt and known..it doesn’t mean that I become numb and unaware of the things happening around me but it means that it doesn’t have to weigh on me so heavily that it breaks me.
Because really, if I don’t choose Rest and Peace, I just might end up there.
I’m so thankful. I’m thankful that I have Him with me always, I’m thankful that He cares for my heart, He cares for my pain and my heartbreak and He has a place for me to find Rest in the midst of it all.
He has prepared a way for anything and everything.
He knows exactly what I will need in the moments of feeling like I can’t do it anymore
He knows the exact needs of those that are in those situations
And He FULLY intends to see us through.
He is faithful to care for us and He is faithful to care for them.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and
Love will follow me
All the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house
Of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23
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