I stood in the middle of my garage at 5:30 AM, exhausted and ungrateful.
I’m not even going to beat around the bush– This weekend I held a garage sale fundraiser that I dreaded all week. I can’t exactly put my finger on what it was that made this fundraiser seem so undesirable. The best I can think is it being a combination of exhaustion from moving back home that week, world events weighing heavy on my heart, the kind of scary thought of selling half of everything I owned, and the amount of hard work needed to make this event run smoothly.
But yet there I was on the planned day of the sale, sorting through a box of clothing donated to me by some very generous families. I opened the garage door to get some airflow and to prepare to push my tables out onto the driveway to begin selling at 7 AM sharp. I had a clear plan and a clear goal; $500 and I would be satisfied with the sale.
As I sorted, I glanced out the door and saw the distinct flickers of lightning silhouetting the trees in my across-the-street neighbor’s front yard.
A blank monologue of “nonononononononononono” ran through my brain as I watched the sky light up a second time and I fumbled to check my phone. No rain predicted until 12… the app even claimed the skies were completely clear right now.
As the third lightning flash spiked the ground, my anxiety (that dear old friend of mine) began to rise. No this can’t be happening, I need these funds, seriously it cannot rain, see I knew there was something bad about this fundraiser, it isn’t going to work—-
My thoughts got interrupted by the closest, loudest, most overwhelming peal of thunder I’ve ever heard in my life. I could feel the sound travel through my bones as the intensity of it literally brought me to my knees in fear, some primal instinct attempting to keep me safe. The still silence after that intense thunder terrified me; It felt like the sky was waiting for something. So I said the words I should’ve been saying all along:
“Lord, I’m listening.”
And it began POURING rain from the storm that didn’t exist (at least it didn’t exist according to my app).
I stared out into the downpour and a few lines from the poem “To a Mouse” by Robert Burns came to mind; “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men/ Gang aft agley” or, as they were popularly translated by Steinbeck, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
I am that “wee, sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie” of a mouse just constantly trying to build up my own plans. Unfortunately, they don’t always work out. All summer God’s been asking me to just trust, no matter how dire things seem. So, looking at the downpour, I adjusted my sails and I trusted.
Rainy day passed, the sun rose brightly on day 2, and my sale set up with my heart finally ready to accept this fundraiser. And, family, what a blessing the fundraiser turned out to be!
When I chose to approach this on God’s terms and timing, my heart filled with joy, and I attempted to meet each person with love. And God met me in return. He shone from the faces of the individuals I met today. I saw Him in the couple I discussed feminism and necessity of justice for those enslaved in human trafficking with, He smiled bright at me from the face of the old woman who told me of the mission trips of her youth to China, He looked at me with the eyes of a beautiful child as she held my favorite stuffed animal up and asked “miss, how much?” and He lived in the hugs of the members of my community here who came and went all day– sharing my joy, helping out when they could, and making the time that much sweeter.
And family, by the end of it all, we raised $840, far exceeding my own planned amount.
I type this overused phrase with all the sincerity in the world; I am blessed!!! What a joy to dwell in God’s grace. Indeed, he is a good Father who knows when we need “day 2” and humbling reminders that His ways are far better than our ways.
It gets easier and easier to trust Him first when my best laid plans start to go awry. I think I’m finally learning how to listen, adjust, and let go in the ways He’s always been asking me to.
So. We’re halfway funded now. Isn’t that AMAZING??? I couldn’t have done it without all of your support so where ever you are– THANK YOU!!!!!
24 days until training camp and 76 days until launch!
