Sometimes, I have trouble trusting God. Sometimes, I have trouble accepting his will. Sometimes, I stop and look at my life and just want to laugh because what am I even doing with my life?!
But all the time, I will sing to The Lord, for he has dealt bountifully with me (Psalm 13:6).
So I am sitting at my parent’s home, one week after getting the call that, yes, I will be spending eleven months in eleven different countries bringing the good news with me, reflecting on how I got here.
For being only twenty years old, I have a fairly sizable travel background (Mexico, Belize, St. Croix, England, China, Germany, and Czech Republic) but a short, almost nonexistent, missions background. I am far from perfect. My idea of a good time is a book, notebook, and coffee on a rainy morning. Honestly, I sometimes don’t feel qualified. So I have to ask, why me?
I was praying this summer at the Berliner Dom Cathedral in Berlin, Germany when the Lord showed up in a big, big way. My heart heavy for Syria and our fellow Christians in the Middle East, I sat in this opulent, gold gilded, hundreds of years old church, and I fought back angry tears. I asked The Lord why some parts of the church face horrific persecution while other parts sit surrounded by gold. I thought about how the dismantlement of this church could probably pay for the needs of thousands of churches in poverty. All I could do was angrily ask why?
He didn’t answer me exactly. He came to me, instead, sat in the pew next to me, put a finger over his lips and gently told me to shh. He took my hand, he bowed his head, and he prayed. I listened, and closed my eyes too.
The organ began playing, calling the faithful to noon prayer, and I opened my eyes with a new perspective. I opened my eyes with the knowledge that while the church is sometimes broken, while inequalities exist, while Christians will suffer, sometimes I just need to shh, trust enough to take The Lord’s hand, and pray. But as I stood with the congregation and prayed The Lord’s Prayer in German, my spirit knew something Big was coming.
Most of my life has been a steady answer of wait. But after that day, I wasn’t receiving a wait; I was hearing a get ready, but for what, I did not yet know.
A month later, I heard about The World Race for the first time, and I knew this was it. I prayed about it, I consulted with my family and mentors, and nobody could tell me a reason not to go, but they all had lists of reasons to go.
I’m not going to lie, through the interview process and even now that I’ve been accepted, I’ve had to fight off doubt almost daily. I am truly blessed by The Lord’s faithfulness in gently answering each of my reasons why I can’t do this with a reason of how He has prepared me to do this. And, above all else, I am blessed by my redemption through the sacrifice of Christ that has allowed me to stand here today. I am a new creation who is able to get out of bed in the mornings because I have hope in something higher than myself and higher than the troubles of this world.
That is why I am going; because He called. I am answering in faith and even though I still don’t exactly know why, I trust that He does.
And now, this sometimes awkward, frizzy haired, book loving, poetry writing, daughter of Christ is heading out for the first time to match my heartbeat for the world with His.
I’d appreciate you joining me on this journey by following my blog, supporting me financially, and, above all else, supporting me in prayer!
