It’s one of the most dreaded question to a racer finishing the race and coming home: “So, what’s next?”
If you were the few and the lucky, you had a great answer about what the Lord had told you was going to be next for your life. He had spoken clearly to you about your dreams and passions, and you knew what your next step was.
If you are like most, you are quite frankly, a little bit of a hot mess. The Lord had flipped your life upside down and changed you from the inside out. He gave you new passions and a new outlook on life. Maybe you wanted to go back to similar things with a different purpose; or maybe you wanted to head in a new direction, just unclear the path to get there.
For the last 5 months, I would put myself in the second group of people. In Malaysia, the Lord got my attention, taking away the plan I was leaning on for the majority of the race. The planner and dreamer in me tried to not go into freak out mode. [Key word: tried]. I spent large amounts of time sitting with the Lord, seeking His plan. He gave me small nudges here and there, but for the most part, was pretty quiet on the topic.
In my final month on the World Race, I became aware of the fact that seeking the Lord’s direction was consuming my time with Him. Instead of just taking time to enjoy His presence, I was constantly seeking answers. Through that time, I felt Him saying, “Rest and Enjoy. Trust in me. I will tell you when I want to tell you. For now, enjoy what is around you. I will not let you miss it”.
For the rest of the race, I was able to relax in the peace of not knowing. He kept speaking about trust in the moment. The theme “I will not let you miss it” came up in many different aspects of my life. Jobs, dating, moving, ministry: ‘Kayla, I will not let you miss it. You are not going to ruin my plan because you missed some subtle hint I was dropping. I am going to show you. Trust in my voice’.
As the days and weeks went by, I had to remind myself of that promise more and more often. I was starting to get nervous. If I’m being honest, I was okay trusting Him to not tell me on the race. It became harder to trust Him my first month home, but I was also still focused on re-entry and rest. By the time I went to Georgia to see my squad, I wanted to have a plan. I wanted to know what was next. Instead, I was still a bit of a hot mess that weekend. Going back and forth on what I thought I should do.
I had a mentor give me some tough love, showing me I might have less options than I think. That more doors would close, and that is okay. Closed doors are hard, but they also limit my options on what could be next. So I started praying for closed doors. That the Lord would start shutting doors that aren’t His best. He answered. I started to not get jobs I was applying for. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I also felt peace that God was doing what I asked.
To make a really long story short: I was offered a job in my hometown on a great floor. My friend had basically gotten me the interview and were gunning for me to stay. It was looking more and more tempting! The week prior, I had multiple speed bumps in trying to switch my Ohio nursing license from Tennessee (I now see why). When I got the call with the job offer, not going to lie, I freaked out. I felt very anxious about it and my heart did not feel at peace.
When the Lord isn’t speaking audibly, peace was the only thing I had to go on.
I called my squad leader from the race, because I needed an unbiased opinion. I was able to talk things out with Him and dig deeper into what my heart was telling me. In the end, I turned down the job in Columbus. I wasn’t able to take it with peace.
It was a ROUGH 24 hours. I cried, a lot. Not just because I was stressed about turning down the job, but because I felt like I was also shutting the door on Columbus. I had been seeking for months on whether I should be in Nashville or Columbus, and it all came to a head that day. I still don’t understand why the Lord chose to do it that way. Maybe it was simply for the fact of growing through taking the hard road and making hard choices. But whatever the reason, I couldn’t miss it. Even if it meant leaving friends and family I love, I had to follow the peace.
ALL that to say: I finally know what I will be doing now that I’m home! If you haven’t figured it out by now, drum roll please….
I’m moving back to Nashville!
I have accepted a position at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville as a nurse. Same hospital, different unit. Living in Nashville is going to look different than last time, but the Lord is always faithful! I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me in Nashville and this transition.
See you soon Nashville!
