Now before you go assuming things, NO! I am not quitting the World Race. Quite the opposite actually, I’m more ready for the Race than I was a couple of days ago.
A week ago, I was ready to quit the Race. Funds are as close to zilch as can be, remarks like “well I only want to give money if you’ll have enough to go” come in more abundantly than ever, the curiosity about my adventure has started to diminish- people have stopped asking questions, my World Race journey has become the poster child for Murphy’s Law.
BUT
I’m Quitting…
no more looking at the number not rising in funds.
no more worrying about the things people say about support.
no more worrying about the lack of curiosity.
no more expectations.
no more anger. (fingers crossed)
All these things have done is bring me disappointment and made me angry. I’ve been disappointed & angry at the people around, I’ve been disappointed & angry at family and friends. I’ve been disappointed and angry at myself, for not trying harder or for letting it all get to me.
But more than anything, I’ve been angry at God. I’m not going to lie. I’ve been mad. I’ve cried and screamed and shook my fists towards the sky, angry. Angry because the support isn’t there. Angry because all I can hear is silence. Angry because if He’s called me to be this person and do these things why is nothing happening.
Then, I realized something. It’s amazing it took me 4 months to figure out what I had done to myself. I’ve been pushing Him away. I haven’t opened my bible except to study my Sunday School lessons or on Sunday mornings. I haven’t prayed except when I’m feeling absolutely at my worst. I haven’t pursued Him since I’ve been accepted to the Race. I didn’t want to truly give Him all my trust, I wanted to cling to a little control over my fundraising/WR journey. I wasn’t ready to let Him have it all. I’m quitting control.
I know beyond all else that God has called me to quit my life. Quit my life here in the States and go out and love the people of the world. And when God asks it of you, there is no doubt whatever is needed will be given. So often we see Murphy’s law demonstrated in the Bible, things get bad and then they get worse, things seem impossible until God comes in and proves it possible. That is what I cling to.
Am I saying I’ll be “perfect”, nope? That would be a big promise I could never fulfill. What I am saying is I’m quitting all the negative and choosing positive. I’m clinging to the positive and to the One who takes the impossible and makes it possible.
If you’d like to partner with me on my journey, just click the “Support Me” tab on the left side of the page. This month, I am looking for 15 people to partner with me monthly for 2014 (January-December).
