‘Will she ever know joy,’ I thought as I starred into the story of this woman. Her years of wisdom had created beautiful lines of history and memories upon her face.
I point to my camera, and then to her, a symbol she is far too use to from all the tourists that walk through the temples. She nods her head. Attempting to avoid eye contact as people pass between us. I look at her and say ‘beautiful’. I do not know how to express this well in her native tongue. Yet, I believe she understands, because as I look to the corner of her mouth I see a hint of a smile shyly making its way upon her face. ‘You.’ I point to her, ‘are beautiful.’
There it is, a wide-open mouth with no teeth to fill the space. The memories that encase her eyes light up, and from a soft voice emerges laughter, happiness.
Happiness, a temporary fleeting emotion that creates a sense of joy for a short moment in time.
Joy. An understanding that no matter how sorrowful I am now, that eternally, I hold the spirit of joy, the spirit of our God, and that will never leave me. That I am nurtured, loved, and I exist to share with others the source of that love. Joy knows that no matter how challenging society attempts to make life, that God has made our purpose quite simple. We exist to live in his love and to bring glory to his name by sharing his love. This will, of course, at times present it challenges, but the purpose never changes due to circumstances or due to our own downfalls. We thus experience his joy in knowing his love and the direction of his spirit within our souls.
Has this woman, in all her years, ever known such a joy? Has she ever known her beauty through her creator? Was she raised around the walls of these temples? She has known pain. She has known fear. She has known the happiness of the temporary, but has she known joy?
The practices of Budhism and Hinduism do not lean kindly to the idea of joy. Joy would be a strong emotion that the self cannot control. Living in joy includes living in a life that expresses joy. Buddhism seeks to neutralize the self. No attachment to emotions, to people, to the surroundings and showing any emotions outwardly displays that you do not have a control over yourself. Hindus seek to please their gods, but there are so many gods they can never truly please them all. They exist to seek non-existence.
I wait for the couple, which has their map so close to their face I wonder if they realize steps are a few feet in front of them, to pass before I walk into the frame I just captured. I show her the photo, and continue to say ‘beautiful’. She looks at herself, laughs, covers her mouth and turns her head to the side. I turn off the camera, slip it back into its bag, and place it on my side. I kneel down further, so that I am now face-to-face with this woman whose name I do not know, whose story I only know from the memories upon her face and the stains upon her knees, but whose smile I have been graced to see.
‘Thank you, Beautiful,’ I say.
‘kaunosrei da srasa saat robsakhnhom’ (My beautiful daughter in Khmer) God whispers to her.
