The questioning had begun. The woman at the window seat was sound asleep, and would remain so for the better part of the next 12 hours. The guy to my left was pre-occupied with catching up on the latest movies provided on the flight. This meant little conversation, and a lot of thinking.
As a child I had dreamed of such a journey, but it looked more like hanging with apes at the Jane Goodall Institute in Africa than the journey I had before me.
How could this “OCD” girl be heading to a rural town in China? How could this girl who could barely say “hello” in mandarin be interning as a preschool assistant? (Not to mention the total of zero teaching experience she had.) How was this girl who has little experience working with children be working with some of the most fragile children in the world? How could this girl who was afraid to love be asked to love so many? I was not, by any means, qualified for the job. If that plane had had an “oops, wrong life choice” exit service I would have taken it.
Yet, the answers were simple, Christ.
It only took eating noodles I had seen tossed on the ground, the hot water going out during showers, and a few snooty children’s noses for me to get past my ‘OCD’ tendencies. After many “chinglish” conversations I began to pick-up on preschooler Chinese, and when I was clueless as to what to say there was a little hand reaching out to mine saying “ZÇ’u ba” (let’s go) as they guided me to the bathroom, or more often the snack closet.
But I could have never prepared myself for the answer God would give me as I prayed, “break my heart for what breaks yours.”
I was greeted every morning by wide smiles and the open arms of many children racing to be the first to give me a hug as they shouted “Ä€yí, Ä€yí” (auntie)! I could not have better understood the love of Christ than in those moments. These children had little consistency in their lives as they were abandoned by their parents, and transferred from one orphanage to another until they made it to New Day. They had no certainty that I would return the next day, but at the end of each ay they would give the biggest hugs and a kiss on the cheek, and then when I returned the next morning the smiles grew wider and giggles would often erupt as they stretched their arms for a hug and shouted “Good-a-morning!” As the weeks went by I grew more and more attached to these children, their personalities and their stories. I became very defensive when those who would stop by for a day trip would look at the little ones with an eye of uncertainty, as they saw that one little boy had no legs, a little girl was missing fingers, and a little boy a bit blue to the lips with a surgery scar close to his heart. One day a family group came to visit, one of the little kids with their group said, “So, they don’t have mommy’s or daddy’s?” This was followed by one of our little boys saying “I don’t have a daddy,” and then two other’s joining in saying “Me either!” I wanted to just shout at all these people! I wanted to tell them that the little boy without legs, well he could out chase all of you, giggling the whole time! The little girl missing fingers, well she might be shy, but she loves to dance! The little boy with the heart surgery scar, well I have yet to meet someone who loves as unconditionally as him, and while each of them may not have ‘earthly’ fathers, they all have one amazing father that loves them!
So, this is it, this is how our father loves! He sees our scars, and bandages them. He sees our moments of uncertainty, and tells us to love as him! All those years in Sunday school and it took me comingto China to understand the love of Christ? Well, not quite. I am still learning each day, but those days in China taught me one thing for certain, that I never want a child of God to live without knowing his love.
Approximately a week before leaving a friend and I had the opportunity to give one of the children his English name, but we wanted to meet the little boy first. Walking up the stairs to the nursery I had a very small glimpse as to what it might feel like to adopt one day, that feeling of seeing your child for the first time. We knew all his the major aspects of his medical needs (orthopedic, GI, urology and genetic), but we had yet to know him. We walked in and lying in a crib was “our” little brother. He weighed in at 6.4 lbs. at 3.5 months old, he already had skin rolls, but it was by no means due to his weight. He was such a tiny little boy, but my time at the orphanage had taught me to put aside my fear of hurting children in such fragile states so that I might love God’s children. We chose for him the name that summed up our prayers for him Josiah, meaning “Jehovah has healed.” Yet, I was unaware of how much this name summed up my China journey.
While Jehovah was healing the broken hearts of these children he was also tearing down the walls of my own heart. While it would take two years for me to truly break down the walls far enough to step over the few remaining bricks, this was a milestone in my walk with him. I was stepping forward, and as I looked for the answers to “save the world” I began to realize he had already given me the answer! Through my passion for children, for culture and for his creation he has told me to break down those remaining stones that society just doesn’t want me to let go of, to let this feeling of true surrender take over, and to share with the world that “Jehovah has healed!”
So, there I was, on a plane flight back to America. The two Chinese citizens next to me had requested fish for dinner, and the child behind me had discovered the amazing law of inertia with my chair. Yet, I was in this daydream that left me surrounded by God’s children from all over the world, and I could not have been more joyful
