Lately I’ve been having dreams; a lot of dreams. I don’t normally dream on a regular basis, but for the past week at least, my sleep has been disturbed. The scenery behind my eyelids is distorted. The purpose: unknown. The people in the dream seem to evade my vision, as I can never see their faces. I wake up more exhausted than when I laid down. If you haven’t guessed already, these dreams are not sweet dreams, but rather nightmares.
(Parade.com)
Each dream has been very different, but also very similar. “Same same, but different” as they say here in Asia. But no matter the differences, the “theme” remains the same…….URGENCY. The common threads of the dream weave some sort of pattern, so forgive me as I try to follow the threads.
In each dream, I am trying to run away from something, from “my enemy”. I am either running, or on some sort of transportation, like a car or even a motorbike.(Thank you Asia) As I try to flee from this person, I never see his face. I just have an awareness of where he is. But I continue to try to escape captivity. I am running, running, running. And it is utterly exhausting. When I awake, I feel as if I have literally ran the entire distance that I ran in my dreams.
(www.123rf.com)
There is another part to the dreams. While I am busy trying to flee from my enemy, I also have an assignment or task that I know I need to be completing. I just don’t know what it is. As I try to evade captivity, I am also filled with this intense urgency to do something; to go somewhere or get something.
There is so much not revealed to me. I feel like I don’t know anything that’s happening. My mind is filled with so many questions.
“Who is my enemy?”
“Why are they after me?”
“What is my task?”
“What am I even doing here?!?”
I never get the answers. It is rather frustrating, really. As I begin about my days here in Vietnam, my body and mind are exhausted. The dreams are causing me to not be the person I normally am. I get headaches quite frequently now, which is something that hasn’t really happened a lot since high school.
I’ve spent time in asking God why; asking Him to reveal the purpose of these dreams, to take them away, even to replace them with other dreams. But none of that happens and I muster up enough energy to get through my day in hopes that the next nights sleep might be better.
I fell upon this verse in the Message version the other day and it stuck out to me.
“But there is another urgency before me now. I feel compelled to go to Jerusalem. I’m completely in the dark about what will happen when I get there. I do know that it won’t be any picnic, for the Holy Spirit has let me know repeatedly and clearly that there are hard times and imprisonment ahead. But that matters little. What matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God.” Acts 20:22-24 (MSG)
Could this be speaking directly to my soul? Paul had this urgency to go, even though he did not know what would happen when he got there. I feel this urgency in my dreams to go, to do – to get things done. But I have no idea what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’m in the dark. Paul also knew that there would be hard times ahead, but he was compelled to go anyway. He didn’t care, he just wanted to finish the work that the Lord as giving him to do. Paul understood that his own suffering did not matter. What truly mattered was completing his task of letting everyone he met know how great and wonderful his God is.
Is this what you are trying to show me, God? Is this the urgency that You’ve displayed in my dreams? God, I need clarity in this. Please speak to me. Give me revelation.
