As I mentioned in my previous blog (here), I have been having a lot of dreams lately. After the second night of dreams, God asked me to give up coffee. When I first left for the race, I thought I would never have coffee, or at least that it would be few and far between. But since being in Asia, we have had coffee (and good, strong coffee) everyday. It has been excellent for a coffee addict like me. However, as I began to have these dreams and loose sleep, the Lord began revealing to me how much I was depending on the coffee to “get me through” my days…….. and He asked me to give it up.
(My Vietnamese friend taught me how to make iced cappuccino's!)
At first, I didn’t want to. But as He began to speak to me more and more on my coffee dependency, I realized that depending on my coffee meant that I was not depending on Him. Suddenly, I was reminded of Paul with the thorn in his side.
“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of the handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first, I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into it’s own in your weakness. Once I hear that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size-abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)
It didn’t matter that I was no longer drinking coffee. Or that I was having restless sleep. These dreams, this sleeplessness, and even the headaches are a gift from the Lord. I cannot get through my days in my own strength. If I tried, I would fail epically. Thankfully, God gives me strength and energy, just enough, to be able to enter into our current work here in Vietnam.
It’s been challenging, to surrender my pain and my tiredness over to Him every moment of the day. There are times when I really just don’t want to. It has been quite a humbling experience. It has also been immensely rewarding. At each moment when I think my exhaustion will consume me and I can’t possibly have one more conversation because my brain is fried, the Lord supplies me with more energy and gives me just the words to say to that person who is in need of His Love.
(We play A LOT of bananagrams. It's kind of like scrabble)
Every time my head pounds and yet another local wants to talk to me to practice their english, and I think to myself, “ I just want to go home and lay down.”, the Lord is quick to remind me, “My grace is sufficient for you.” I surrender my pain and my own thoughts over to Him and He takes the pounding away as I sit and discuss life with people.
This is where the urgency comes in. I could stay inside myself, consumed with my own thoughts, my own tiredness, or how much my head hurts. I could make excuses and they would be deemed “acceptable” in this world.However, I am not called to live according to this world, but according to the world that God has created especially for His children. Yes, it may be hard at times. But honestly, if being a believer was easy, everyone would do it and then I would have no reason to be traveling the world to proclaim the Good News.
(Some of our MANY new friends from Vietnam)
These are the types of sacrifices God calls us to make on a daily basis, truly trusting that His grace is enough for us. It’s been very humbling to have to constantly surrender everything over to Him and to have to truly depend on Him for everything. But I want that. I want to be able to depend on Him in every way, shape, and form. If I was not doing so before and if this is the way He wants to teach me, then I gladly accept. Because I want that deeper intimacy with Him. I want Him to take away all of my own comforts, my own dependencies, so that I can go to Him for all of my comfort and dependency.
(I've taken up sketching again)
His grace is enough for me and it is enough for you, dear one. Whatever your currently struggling with, and wherever you are at in your life, know that God’s grace covers you. Whether you have much or very little, God knows every little detail and He is with you through it all. He will supply your every need. It has been amazing to see the Lord provide for me continuously, and He has the same provisions for you, if you will let Him. It takes discipline, it takes full surrender over to Him, but it is so good and so, so worth it.
Blessings,
Kayla <3
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
