Ok so it's been a little while since I have blogged. Sorry about that! These past few weeks have been really busy and honestly, I was struggling a bit. God is good and He brought me through it! And, of course, there was a lesson to be learned along the way. There were a couple lessons, actually, but there was one lesson just last week in particular that I really feel to share with you today.
Last week, I had a very productive day. It was my day off and I was able to make contact with people, get some things organized, and cross some things off my "to-do" list. I was feeling great! (I'm a little OCD and I just love the feeling of being able to cross off things on my to-do list haha) As I looked at my list, there was one thing that I still needed to do….. my taxes. Dun dun dun…. As most of you know, I had been working in California last year and so since moving back home to Maine, I have been waiting to receive one of my W2 forms. As April 15th is drawing nearer, I realized it was crunch time and still had not received my W2 forms, so I called the payroll office and was instructed on how to get my W2 form online. I got it and was super excited! (sad I know). But I was thinking, "Now I can get my taxes done and I can cross another thing off the to-do list." I called H&R Block to make an appointment. The lady asked me if I could come in right now. I was like "Praise the Lord! I can get it done today and my refund will be on it's way! Hallelujah!"
So now I'm sitting in the office with the tax guy and as we're filling everything out, I start to get a little uneasy. He doesn't seem to know how to file for California (and why should he? We're in Maine) I have to file for both so it's kind of complicated. At the end of it, he looks up at me and says "Were you planning on paying or were you expecting a refund?" Umm, what?
I told him that I was expecting a refund and then he launched into the big explanation about how when I was in California, they didn't withhold taxes from my paychecks. I don't know how I missed this. I was pretty sure they had. However, on my W2 forms, it showed that 0 federal taxes or state taxes had been withheld. He then proceeded to tell me that I owed the federal government $600 and the state of California $109. However, the good news was that I was getting $16 back from the state of Maine. My jaw just dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I NEEDED that money that I was expecting. When I got to my car, I just started crying. I was so overwhelmed. I barely have enough money right now to do day to day life. I was planning on using my refund to pay off some bills. I found myself crying out to the Lord. "Why is this happening? I needed that money Lord! Why do I feel like I work and work and work and it's never enough?! Just when I think I'm getting ahead of the game, or at least able to make a DENT in it, I get knocked right back down on my butt."
​The rest of my day didn't go so well. I couldn't stop crying. It was ridiculous how greived I was by this! I couldn't understand why I was so upset. But amidst my crying and anger, I found myself saying "I was COUNTING on that money!!!!" BOOM. The Lord started to speak. I was counting on that money, meaning that I was trusting in that money to provide for my financial needs (pay the bills) this was why I was so distraught. God began showing me that I was putting way to much trust into that refund and now it wasn't there. I was distraught and lost, overwhelmed with debt and thinking "How on earth am I going to go on the Race and get all the money for that, let alone pay my debts to be able to go?" The refund had failed me.
"But I won't fail you."
Snap back to reality. God NEVER fails. His Love is UNFAILING. I don't think I have ever fully understood what this means. Maybe I never will. But I do know that through this situation God has showed me just a little bit more of what it means. He showed me that things of this world will fail us- people WILL fail us. Just like I will fail others sometimes. We are human- the things of this world are not perfect and I am not perfect. I need to be more aware of who-and what- I put my trust in. There is only One who never fails. I do not mean to say that you shouldn't trust people or you can't count on people. We need friends who we love and support and trust to talk to about things and help us through things ect. The danger comes when try to trust IN them verses trust them and when we choose to count on them for more than what we should. There is only One who can fulfill those expectations, Jesus.
Honestly, I don't know where the money if going to come from. From some recent medical bills to just credit cards bills and my taxes, I have about $2,000 that I need to come up with- and soon. I have no clue how to go about earning that money. However, I do know WHO the money will come from. GOD WILL PROVIDE. I am trusting in Him, knowing that He is Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider. He will make a way when there appears to be no way. So even though I don't see, I still believe. I believe in His goodness. I believe in His grace. I believe in His mercy. I believe in His unfailing Love. And I trust in Him.
Dear Jesus, Forgive me for placing my trust in other things and other people. Thank you for this reminder that You are all that I need. You are the only One that I should truly count on and rely on. Thank You for showing me what it means to have You unfailing Love. I give You praise and I place my trust in You, the One who will provide for all my needs. Thank You Lord. Amen.
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Fundraising update: I am currently at $3,011.76. I am $488.54 away from training camp in May and I am $3,488.54 away from launching in July! Glory to God! Thank you to all who have supported me thus far- both financially and prayerfully! If you feel led to support my trip, please click on the "Support Me" tab on the left hand side. You're support is very much appreciated!
Grace and Peace,
Kayla
