Wow first of all thank you for all the kinds words of support and encouragement concerning my last post. And thank you for your patience with my rather long writing. Honestly, I love to write and I get caught up in the details, so my "short" stories tend to be rather long and my "long" stories….. well let's just say they are quite extensive. 🙂 Ok, so now to pick up my story from where I left off……
First off, let me back up because I forgot to share this. Over the past two years,I had received multiple prophetic prayers about being called to the nations and being a leader for my generation. This is important,as without these prayers I probably would not have been as confident in this calling as I am now. Ok, so I was still in Southern California. My spirit was restless. It's hard to describe this restless feeling that I felt. I wasn't happy where I worked. I mean, the people I worked with were awesome and my clients were all pretty cool, but in my heart, I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to be anymore. I felt disconnected. My heart knew I was created for something more, something bigger than my own little world I was currently living in. I had this urge to make a difference, to impact the world for Christ and watch it be changed. I was tired of working the regular 9-5, ( or in my case 6-12 and then 3-8) job. I wanted something more. I began searching my heart and searching the Word. What's next Lord? What does this mean? What does this even look like? Why am I still here? These thoughts ran through my mind on a daily basis. I was trying to seek God for answers. By this time, I had started meeting with my pastor's wife once a week, we started reading a book together. I was seeking counsel from her as well as one of my roommates. She was a very godly woman and was an amazing role model to me, even though she was only a year older than me. I was seeking and still there was silence. I just couldn't hear what God was trying to tell me. And I was becoming frustrated, discouraged, even slightly depressed…. I was overwhelmed with my current situation, yet I could find no "answer".
One morning, I was sitting in our kitchen, reading my devotional for the day. This was something that I tried to do every morning. As I was reading the word, suddenly I remembered Christy. Christy was my mentor's niece from a few years ago. (I mentioned her in my last blog, Remember?:)) I remembered when Christy came to speak to us about the World Race. I remembered her telling us to look it up online to learn more. And so I did. I went to The World Race website. I found videos, and started watching them. I began reading blogs from current racers. I became so caught up in it, I was almost late for work. When I got to work, I put the World Race at the back of my mind, and went on with my day. I forgot about it…… for a while.
That night, I was laying in bed, tossing and turning, but unable to fall asleep. The WR popped into my mind again and so I got online and started watching videos again. In fact, I watched them over and over. There was one video in particular that struck me to my core. I felt like it expressed exactly where I was in my life. Suddenly, the idea didn't seem so crazy to me as it had when Christy first mentioned it those years prior. But I was still hesitant. Over the next few days, I kept it to myself. I contemplated it all the while the Race began to consume my mind. I found myself reading blog after blog. Finally, I mentioned the Race to my pastor's wife as well as to my roommate. My roommate encouraged me to go. She had lived abroad in France for two years and it was an experience she would recommend for anyone. She made a point to me. "Sometimes you have to get away from everything else in order to heal." She had said. She explained that you learn to deal with the things that are harder to deal with here right now. She told me she grew so much in that time and going out to explore the world can be such a life changing event. I know that I would never have made the decision to go without her encouragement and support. I was still hesitant to fill out the application. I was scared. But, with her encouragement, I finally did. One day God filled me with such boldness, that I sat down right then and there and filled it out. I knew I wouldn't if I didn't do it right away. So I did……… and then I got the phone call.
As part of the application process, you have to undergo a phone interview. I was afraid I wasn't "qualified" for the race. My interview went well. They told me I would hear back within two weeks. Two weeks came and went…. and I heard nothing. I got nervous. Maybe this wasn't what God was calling me to. I mean, I had felt so much peace after the interview. Maybe I was mistaken. It did require a LOT of money, money that I definitely didn't have. After all, I had no savings account. My biweekly check went straight to bills, food and gas. When I signed up, I had only $20 to my name. Maybe God was showing me that it wasn't a good idea with so little resources and zero experience. I prayed, Alright Lord if this is not Your plan for me, please make it known. And then on the day that I had lost hope, my phone rang. It was official. I was accepted to the World Race! I couldn't believe it. My body was in shock. SO many emotions in such a short amount of time. Now I needed the $150 deposit to secure my spot. Remember, I only had $20 to my name. I knew right away that God needed to work and work fast. I was not going to get a check in between now and the time the deposit was due. I prayed that God would provide. That He would raise up the money somehow if this was His call for me.
I called one of my friends when I found out I was accepted. I had shared with him my desire to go on this trip and the excitement that I had. When I told him about the deposit I needed and how I was stressed out because I wasn't sure how I was going to get it, He told me that He was planning on giving that money to me. In such a short amount of time, I already had my first financial supporter!!! I paid my deposit after receiving his donation and then it sank in. Wow, this is for real. This is really happening!!! I started pouring over all of the information I was receiving form Adventure in Missions about my trip. The facebook page for my squad was so helpful. I started learning more about my squad mates, the people I would be living with in such close community for a year. One day, someone shared a previous racers' blog on our page. And do you know whose it was? That's right, it was Christy's. Just more confirmation from the Lord that this was exactly where He wanted me to be!
And then the stress of realizing I would have to fundraise so much money hit me like a tidal wave. It occurred to me that in my current financial situation, it would be almost impossible for me to contribute to my own race as all of my money went to bills etc. I could move home, where I could actually save money (What a concept, eh?) but that would mean giving up my wonderful friends here and my amazing church. I knew more people out here than back in Maine, I felt like it would be harder to do actual fundraisers. And I actually had a job here. Back home jobs were few and far between. I wasn't guaranteed anything. So my mind went back and forth over the pros and cons of moving back home. I would get to spend more time with y family before I left, so that was good. Oh decisions decisions….
As I prayed about it and discussed it with my current mentor, I expressed my feelings of anxiety. Mostly, these feelings were because I was stuck in limbo. I had not made a decision and I was so afraid of making the wrong one. She helped me come to the conclusion that moving home might be best. She pointed out that maybe God was waiting for me to chose. And that even though I felt it would be easier to fundraise in California, where there were more people, I cannot put God in a box. So, I decided to come home. Once I made the decision, I was filled with peace. Everything fell into place. I got a plane ticket home, I was able to sell my car EXTREMELY fast, I was able to get rid of my furniture. My boss understood and was even supportive of my trip, my clients all understood. It was so amazing! It even worked out that while I was flying home, I would be able to stop in Maryland for a few days and spend time with my best friend, whom I had not seen in a LONG time! And while I was there, I was given a chance to speak about my trip to their youth choir! God is good. Within the first week of being home, I walked into a local grocery store with my mother. (I used to work in grocery stores all during college and the last few years of high school) Someone that I used to work with at a different grocery store in a different town was now working at this one. I saw him and we talked for a little bit and then out of no where he asked me if I was looking for a job. I told him yes and he gave me an application and told me to bring it back tomorrow. I brought it in the next day, expecting to just drop it off and hear back at some point. They hired me on the spot! It was not full time, but it was better than nothing! And they wanted me to start the next day! So God continued to confirm that home was where I am supposed to be.
God is showing me that I cannot put Him in box. That this really is His plan for me, and He is going to make a way when I can see no way. I'm learning to lean on Him and trust Him more than ever before. He has raised up people to support me, some that I don't even know. He has provided opportunities to spread the news of my trip all in several different states even and I am so thankful. This is His Call on my life, to go to the nations, to spread the Gospel, to see Him perform miracles and watch the world be changed. He has called me to partake in what He is doing, to leave everything behind and be a part of something so much bigger than I could have imagined because HE is bigger! This is my call, and I will answer!
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." Matthew 28:19
PS- Thank you again for being willing to read such a long post! Glory to God!
